Valley of the Shadow Pt. 3

I woke up to the sound of the cleaners vacuuming the unit and I was quite irritated to say the least. Then I remembered I was not at home. I felt a bit better, although my head was still aching slightly but for the most part I felt much better, as I attempted to get up to the bathroom, the monitor alarm went off. My nurse walked in and asked what was going on, I told her I wanted to go to the bathroom,  she disconnected the wires and assisted me. I felt like an invalid, as I came out of the bathroom, tears were falling freely and the nurse could not understand why I was crying. I told her I was just overwhelmed and that kind of covered a whole lot of things without any need for explanation. 

My mum arrived with my son, she brought me toiletries and a few items to snack on. I had to wear the hospital gown so there was no need for home clothes. I put on a striped house coat Mum brought for me. The doctor came in told me I was being discharged in the morning, he told me to take things easy and handed me a prescription and follow up with my family doctor. I expressed my appreciation and asked Mum about Theo, Mum had a surprised look on her face and said "Hasn't he been here this morning?". No, Mum, I have not seen him around here this morning except he came when I was sleeping. I knew something was not right the way Mum raised her brow and responded with a question. "Well, he left rather early and said he wanted to spend sometime with you before heading to the hospital". I guess he was not allowed in early due to hospital policy. I will call him Mummy.

Mum, myself and my son went down to the eatery to catch a bite, I was hoping we could while away time and wait for Theo. We sat down at the table and ordered breakfast, I really did not feel like eating anything this morning I said,not to anyone in particular. "You have to get your energy back darling" Mum cooed. I just do not feel up to anything lately, as a matter of fact, I almost do not feel up to living... "God forbid! Ha! what kind of statement is that? Why are you talking like that with all that God has done for you? Do not be an ingrate" mother said with a look that could make the most pius being feel guilty. I am sorry Mother, I said looking out of the window. It did not matter what else my Mum said, I realize that she had no clue where I am and what I am going through. Seriously, it does not make any sense to continue this conversation with her. "You see my darling, God has blessed you with every good thing anyone could ask for, a home, lovely son and a husband who adores you"...I hardly allowed her to finish as I said to her "hmmmmm, Mummy, I never knew you liked cappuccino, I attempted to change the subject. "As I was saying, you have to count your blessings, where are all your friends you went to University with?" you ladies need to get together once in a while to have a great time outside of your regular or typical day, it has a way of refreshing the soul". You are very right Mum, I said totally uninterested in what she was saying.The last thing I need right now is a bunch of frenemies trying to pry into my business.

It was my fifth time of attempting to get through to Theo without any success. I sent him a text, neither was there any response. I decided to go on Facebook, he is my friend on Facebook, so I can see if he is logged in. Well, I saw his latest post and I knew he had just been online 3 minutes or so. I sent him an inbox and he immediately logged out of his account. I called again and he immediately picked up his phone. I told him I had been attempting to reach him and he said, he had just came out of a meeting. That sounded quite strange given that he was on Facebook not quite 10 minutes ago. I told him I had been discharged, "so soon" he responded. That took me aback and I wondered if he wanted me admitted. "This doctors are not quite thorough, I was hoping they would run series of tests and we will then go from there". I did not know what to make of his last utterance but it sure told me there was more to it than meets the eye. I really did not want any drama, so I told him I was waiting for him to pick me up at the east entrance of the hospital.

Chidie,my son was getting uncomfortable because he did not get to run around in the eatery, he was strapped in his stroller and he was not having fun at all. I told Mum I wanted to step out for a better reception as my phone was cutting out. We had waited for an hour after my conversation with Theo but he did not seem to be forth coming. I called him again, this time someone picked up the call, "hello", it was a lady's voice. Kellie, Theo's personal assistant does not pick his personal calls, she knows my number and would always let him know. Well, I cut the line and tried again, yes, you guessed right, my call went right into voice mail. I felt light headed immediately and told myself I needed to calm down, I said to myself, "you are making a mountain out of a mole". I started asking myself series of questions and I said to myself, "what exactly are you suggesting about your husband?". I tried to look as if nothing was wrong but my head was beginning to pound. I sat on the grass and tried not to cry. Then out of no where, Mum called and said, "Theo is on my line darling". I tried to gather myself together, I picked up the phone and if I thought I had  a bad day so far, nothing could prepare me for Theo's reaction. "Hey dear, I have been calling your phone endlessly just to be sure of where you are. I ended up in the North entrance and wanted to clarify but you switched off your phone, I should be with you in 5minutes". I looked up at my Mum, I handed over her phone to her. She looked confused wondering why I was crying. "Did Theo say anything wrong to you? Are you alright?" she kept querying me endlessly.  I am tired Mummy, I really feel like sleeping.  "Here he comes, no wonder Chidie is trying to jump out of his stroller" she finished with a smile. 

Theo came up to me, embraced me and kissed my forehead, "let's go home baby" he said. I helplessly followed him as he picked up Chidie in one hand and pushed the stroller in the other hand.   I quietly walked behind him. I felt as if I was just going with the motion, there was no doubt about the fact that I felt trapped but it did not matter how much I attempt to scream, no one seems to hear my voice. When we got home, he asked if I needed anything and I told him I was fine. He rushed to use the washroom and then dashed out, he told Mum he had another meeting but needed to be sure we were all fine. Mum sat in the chair  beside me, she kept rubbing my head. I drifted up to sleep. I had a dream and in the dream I was struggling with a woman over a bottle of water, she said, "if you do not release this bottle, I will smash it, neither of us will own it". No, this is mine, I screamed and she was about to drop the bottle and I woke up. I was sweating profusely, I could not help myself, my whole body was vibrating. I relayed the dream to my Mum and she said, your mind is troubled my child, you need to take it easy. Nightmares come when you are troubled on the outside. Ok, Mum. I got up to go into the bathroom, and there on the side of the bathtub laid Theo's cell phone. 

 

 Psalms 22:2 "O my  God, I cry in the daytime, you do not hear; and in the night season, and am not silent".

I finished using the bathroom and took the phone with me to the bedroom. Out of curiosity, I scrolled through his text messages...I should not have done that for my own sanity. What I saw confirmed my worst fears and more. Theo had a lunch date at the time I called him to pick me up from the hospital, the lady was fuming and sent him a nasty message about Theo preferring his invalid wife over her. Even if I was physically hit by a boxer, I doubt if I would have felt any weaker than I currently feel.  I dropped the phone on the dresser and told my Mum I was not feeling well and needed to sleep. I took double dose of my sleeping pill, covered my self under my comforter (duvet) and sincerely wished I would not wake up again...

To be continued

I welcome your comments.

Single & Sizzling

Single and Sizzling!

The taste of a dish comes out when you allow it to sizzle. Yes, it is cooked but simmering and sizzling, slow cooking brings out the savory taste of most dishes. So, how are you doing all my single people? Food is food but there is more satisfaction when your food has been cooked with patience and your taste buds appreciate the effort. Ok, am not having a cooking class...

Patience is a virtue, in today's microwave mentality, not too many people want to be patient. I have also discovered that there is a price to pay when you do not exercise patience in choosing your life partner. So, how do you maintain sanity when you invitation cards start pouring in during summer?

*You rejoice with those who are rejoicing
*You tell yourself it will soon be your turn because that is what God has said. *Then you focus on God, tell Him to perfect all that concerns you. I have never seen Him fail.

Do not toy with what you will not eat, do not involve yourself with a guy or girl to while away time, time is life. Invest positively in yourself, mix with the right crowd, birds of the same feather flock together....if you go to the club to catch fun, you are likely to catch someone like you there. Attitude makes a lot of difference as little as it is.

You can not coerce someone to love you, if you like someone and they do not seem to be interested in you, get the hint, do not make yourself a nuisance. Gentlemen do not harass, ladies who will become queens do not fight over the heart of a man. If a brother can not make up his mind and you have to fight another sister over him, step away from the scene. It will get uglier after marriage. If a lady can not make up her mind because she has so many suitors, why would you join the queue? Once you are sure of who God has made you and what He is saying to you, ensure you find your gold, otherwise you will always be unsure of where her heart belongs after she's had children for you.
The right person who will treasure you will come along.

Those who hastily get into the wrong relationship will patiently endure the challenges therein. I leave you with the ageless word to ponder on...

 Isaiah 28:16
"Therefore thus saith the Lord God, Behold, I lay in Zion for a foundation a stone, a tried stone, a sure foundation: he that believeth shall not make haste"


If you fail to wait for the right person to come, you will wait for the person you choose to get it right. -- Omo Ishow

Valley of the Shadow Pt.2

Kellie is my husband's administrative assistant in the office, very pleasant and professional. Notwithstanding, why would my husband get her to be the one to plan my son's birthday party? Even if am stressed should there not be a conversation where he hears me out and we both discuss how to handle our busy lives or should I say his busy schedule that is spiraling out of control? My head was pounding, my heart was racing and I felt dizzy, I knew if I tried to get up from the floor where I laid I might just fall down again. I reached for my phone in my bag on the floor not too far from me to call my Mum. Mum would always eulogize me singing lovely songs anytime I call her. I wanted to mask the seriousness of what I was going through and get straight to the point but she was just in a very excited mood. Her excitement was driving me crazy and I was trying not to snap or give myself away.  I said "Mummy, thank you so much, I need you to come over to my place". She immediately realized that I did not sound like my usual self. "Is anything my jewel"? She asked. I responded I was not feeling well and I wanted her to come for a couple of days. "Ok I will be there soon" she responded and hung up the phone.

I felt nauseous after speaking with my Mum,  I attempted to get up, clean myself up and get ready before she arrives. Mum arrived 2 hours after our conversation. I had vomited on the floor, she asked why I did not call my household staff, with a knowing smile on her face.I wondered why she was smiling but I had little or no time for whatever lecture she was likely to give me. I said Mum I am not feeling fine, I need to go to the hospital but I want you to be at home with my son. "My pleasure dear" she responded yet smiling. Mum's smile was beginning to get on my nerves. My Mum is a superwoman, you know the kind that hardly seats still. She was calling for vacuum and mop as I managed to go upstairs.

I got into my room, and the sight of the lady staring at me in the mirror was scaring, her hair looked unkempt and she was a mess! Wait a minute, is that what I look like now? I had little or no strength for pity party, I was having a doom-like feeling and just wanted to get to the hospital. I picked up the intercom to call my driver to be ready in 10minutes. Mummy came upstairs to check on me, "you do not look well dear" she said. The next thing I knew was that I woke up on a hospital bed with lines attached to me. The doctor came around to talk to me once I opened my eyes, my husband, mother and another  person, Folawe my childhood friend were all at my bedside. The doctor told me to take things easy as I almost had a heart attack. My blood pressure was so high they had to give me a medication intravenously to force it down.

Theo was the perfect husband at my bedside, he held my hand and looked into my eyes as he uttered these words, "baby, you are my world, please take care of yourself, I do not want anything to happen to you. Our son and I need you. I love you" he kissed my forehead. Everyone there was impressed, moved and looked at me as if I was doing something wrong. My Mother ignorantly assumed I was pregnant, she said "you will need a lot of rest with another baby on the way..." I cut her short by asking who told her I was pregnant. "I am sorry dear, with the vomitting, tiredness and the fainting I just added and concluded or am I wrong?

As much as I wanted to be in charge and composed, my life was weaving a web of confusion round me. Here is a man I love with all my heart, he is killing me silently and the whole world thinks he is a great man because of this stupid drama. I wish I could just be excused from all this! I was too tired to keep my eyes open, the alarm on the monitor went off again. My blood pressure was going up, every time it was out of the range of the parameters set, the monitor alarm goes off. The nurse came around, a pretty lady who approached me smiling. She must be around my age and she looked around my cubicle, there were a number of people and she nicely told everyone to agree on who needed to be in at the time because only two people are allowed at a time. My husband decided to go back to the office. Mum stayed and my friend went to my house.

Mummy told me stories about growing up and the struggles some women go through in the hands of cruel men who are never there. The men never  provided for their wives and made the lives of the women miserable. She concluded by saying, God settled my children in the area of marriage and I will always thank Him for that. When I think about you, your sister and your brother, it has nothing to do with me but God who chose your partners for you and have made you happy. I looked at her and it was my turn to smile at her ignorance. She misunderstood my smile to mean consent. "God will bless Theo, he is one in a million my dear, nothing will separate you two" she continued to pray. When it was getting too dark, I told Mum to go home as I was going to get a medication to help me sleep and there will be nothing for her to do. She agreed to go back home, she kissed me and eulogized me again. I tried not to shed any tear but my heart was heavy for her and for myself. Good night Mummy, I love you I said as she stepped out of my hospital cubicle.

I sighed heavily. My nurse, Thelma came in again to offer me my night medication,  I had previously asked her for a pill to help me sleep. She brought the medication and a cup of water. There was something about her that made her looked peaceful, I watched her move around doing her work with a sense of fulfillment. How come my own life seems meaningless I questioned silently. It was as if Thelma heard what I was pondering in my heart. Do you own a business Mrs. Chuma? No, I replied. She pressed the monitor to take my blood pressure reading,  it was 187/110, well, your blood pressure has come down a bit but we still have a long way to go. "Are you working at the moment?" Thelma asked again. No, I responded wondering why she was asking. "This is off the record, but usually when people have stressful jobs, it takes a toll on their health. You may just want to take things easy" she concluded.  She handed me the cup of medication, asked if I needed anything and said goodnight.

I laid on my bed for another hour and a half before the effect of the medication kicked in. I just hope this will be all sorted out by the time I wake up.  To be continued

I welcome your comments on lessons learnt as we go on in this series. So much is happening negatively in homes and men and women are dying senseless deaths because we are not living our lives the way God wants us to. Marriage is for companionship, these days a lot of spouses have become enemies. We can pray but knowledge is power they say. If things are not working right, seek help from appropriate quarters.

Blessings.

Examination Hall

I remember examination days in my tertiary institution now with a sense of relief... The tension, anxiety and stress almost palpable! Once the question paper gets on your desk, you quickly scan through to ensure you recognize the things you have read in preparation for the examination.When you have made adequate preparation: studying, memorizing, practising and burning the midnight oil, you quickly download on the paper answers to the question. At some point you come across some question that are somewhat twisted, you may have to take a deep breath, read and reread the question to ensure you understand what is being asked. Sometimes, you may have to look up for inspiration to questions you are not quite familiar with, trying to remember your notes or textbook content. You feel a sense of satisfaction when you think you are all done, you reveiw, revise and get up to submit your answer sheet. Some students position themselves beside their friends in a bid to ask for assistance when stuck. They understand the risk of being caught but all the same they feel it is worth the risk. Sometimes they go uncaught, once in a while most especially when it matters most, some people get caught and scared for life because they get expelled or disqualified from writing the examination.


Life presents us with examination from time to time. No two people will ever right the exact examination although they may write similar exams. Preparation is key in writing life's examination and the only one who has the answers to ALL examinations is God. Who do you turn to when you are writing your own examination? Do you depend on friends to copy them, their ideas or answers? Do you plan to bring in cheat sheets, or pages of textbooks? Are you cheating through life's exams or do you watch people who cheat and seem to get by? Life is designed to ask you about what you have put into it? You can only get promotion when you have successfully passed your examination. Most students who pass with good grades are hard working.  Abraham, Joseph, David and the Apostles of old all had their own exams, each person became a good reference point because of the way they prepared for and excelled in their examinations.

Every examination comes at a price, whether it is your patience, love, home, ability to trust God, Career, perseverance you have to pay the price of dedication to achieve success. God wanted to prove the heart of Abraham and He requested him to sacrifice his only son. Genesis 22:1-3 ASV

"And it came to pass after these things, that God did prove Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham. And he said, Here am I.
² And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son, whom thou lovest, even Isaac, and get thee into the land of Moriah. And offer him there for a burnt-offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
³ And Abraham rose early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son. And he clave the wood for the burnt-offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him"

 

What examination of life are you facing? There is need for preparation and knowledge of the one who has the answer and solution to the tough questions. Patience makes it tolerable when you are not 'getting it". Some people have sat for similar examinations and have passed, I pray that you will not fail the examination that life presents you with. As you go into a new week, I pray that God will favour you by giving you inspiration that will make you successful in all examinations; marital, physical, spiritual and all. Wishing you success as you write a new set of examination this week.

 

Blessings.

Valley of the Shadow...Part 1

We met when we finished high school and we both knew we were meant to be together. We were friends without any doubt, we had a lot in common, he enjoyed reading, he enjoyed a bit of adventure and so did I. I was the first to give my life to Christ in my second year of University. He hesitated about doing same, he thought he was not the 'church type' and I was ready to give up the relationship because I knew if we did not have the same goal, we had no business being together. We went for a summer break,we were out of touch for 3 months by the time we resumed school, I noticed obvious changes in Theo. They were positive changes, he had become an active member of Campus Christian Fellowship. It was interesting how involved he had  become within a short period of time. He was the one who was always complaining about not getting to spend enough time with me, but with  him becoming a member of the prayer group, it was really a challenge to spend evenings together the way we used. He became committed and devoted to the things of God and this reflected in the way he related to me and his friends. The difference in him was such a lovely one.

I welcomed the change because he  became a lot more caring and he looked to fulfill an every aspect of the word of God he read. We started having our bible study time together, we would each focus on a passage individually, study  and share with each other whenever we have the opportunity to meet. By the time we finished university, we knew we were getting married even though he had not proposed officially. Theo came over to my station in the North where I was working in a high school. He brought gift items for me, a lovely wrist watch, Capri pants, the kind of T-shirts I love and lots of cookies and chocolates. My friends were excited and we enjoyed every minute Theo was around, he is the life of a party, jovial, funny and very kind.


Two years after the end of our youth service, Theo proposed to me and I accepted. I was dying to hear him pop the question, when he eventually did, I was on cloud nine. We started planning and everything went well. He comes from a relatively modest background but God has blessed him in the last couple of years.He made sure I had everything I wanted and to crown it all, we had our honeymoon in Paris. I was excited and every day just brought better things. Six months after our wedding, I discovered I was pregnant and it was as if Theo had just won a jackpot. He made sure I did not have to do any house work, he hired household staff who helped around the house. The arrival of our first son launched a new dimension of blessing, Theo left his work place to start his own business. It was as if the whole nation was awaiting the opening of the business. It was such a great success.

With every promotion comes its peculiar challenges. Theo was hardly home, meetings across the country and we hardly had time to fellowship. I had so much to learn with the new baby, I was missing Theo so much. I was looking forward to us sharing the joy of parenthood but he was hardly ever at home. He kept telling me, darling this is what we prayed for, God has answered our prayers, let us not be ungrateful by complaining. That was like a very polite way of telling me not to express what I was feeling. Before I knew it, I had slipped into postpartum depression. It was such a dark, challenging time for me, everybody around me wondered what was wrong with me, money was not the problem, I had what an average woman will die to have, what could possibly be wrong with me? Well, I have noticed a huge change in my husband and I could not share it with anyone.

I saw a text message from a lady, more like a sextext , she mentioned how she had a great time after their meeting in Abuja, she was flirting with him and following the thread, I saw that Theo was not an unwilling participant. He went along with the flirtation and told her he was looking forward to another great time the week after. I saw that it was a little more than temptation, he was enjoying it. I was not sure how to bring it up with Theo, with my diagnosis of depression, he was almost treating me as if I had mental illness and could not handle life. I felt like screaming but if I do he would say, you are overworking yourself and you are getting sick, however, my silence is killing me!

I hardly attend any social gathering, my fellowship time was out of the window, I just didnt feel comfortable having people around me. After a while, I started having funny thoughts, I thought about killing myself so I could be out of the mess that was looming. Who do I share this with? I was fading into oblivion and nobody seems to see it. My friends look at me and they say am lucky, I live in a mansion and have the best rides, my family members thank God for my life every time they come to my house, there is more than enough and Theo is a big spender. He gives generously, so nobody thinks I have a care in the world.

We were or should I say, I was planning our son's first birthday, Theo said, "I will arrive from a trip that morning, sorry sweetie, I can not be a part of this planning, do whatever you seem right, just let me know how much you need". It was as if he slapped me right across my face, I could not take it anymore, I flared up and told him where to go with his money, he looked utterly confused. "Is anything the matter babe?" I raved, yelled and screamed at the top of my lungs and he was just staring at me. I felt stupid and crazy, he must be gloating and saying "she's gone nuts". Without any doubt I was looking my mind and no one around me would believe I was still anywhere near sanity. Theo got up, kissed me gently on the cheek and said, "I will call the doctor so you can go over today, you seem stressed. If it wont upset you, I will ask Kellie to contact an event planner to handle the birthday stress" and he walked out to his car.

I sat down on the couch and slipped unto the floor, I was loosing it all! My husband was slipping out of my hands, I was loosing my mind and I can not handle the stress that should give me joy. Tears were rolling down my eyes and I sat down helplessly. There was nothing else he could say but to set up an appointment for me to see the Doctor?
To be continued...

Missing Fruit

Fruits are essential to our metabolism and enhance the natural beauty of the skin. You get vitamins from fruits, some are antioxidants which are good for fighting cancers, helping the digestive system and so on. Just as you have fruits in the physical so also do you have fruits in the spiritual. 

Having a blissful marriage is a lot of work. It does not just happen; it takes effort, sacrifice, dependence on the Holy Spirit and willingness to let go even when you are right. It is easier to judge, keep records of offences and desire to have things our own way all the time at home. However, when we allow the spirit of God to teach, help and comfort us regarding situations, we make less mistakes, we improve in our walk with the Father and our relationship with others get better. How do I know this you ask? If you are able to exercise patience at home; your domain, where you can be termed "unquestionable", you are likely to display virtues outside in dealing with others, in an environment where you are answerable to the laws of the land.

The fruit of the spirit makes it easy to display our Christian virtues at home; they promote peace and oneness and they also facilitate progress in our lives. A close look at each one of the fruit of the spirit provide insight to how God wants us to live, in bliss. Galatians 5:22 KJV

22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law".

As I write this, I identify the missing fruit I need to work on to maintain a constant heavenly state in my home, I welcome you to do the same. You will be amazed at the difference this will make in your home. Just as people with great skin tone, body shape make effort to eat right and work out, so also you and I need to make conscious effort to promote peace in our homes. Have a blessed week ahead as you produce the right fruit.

Blessings.

Who are you battling

 The question on my mind this morning is "Who are you battling with in  your home?"

 Good morning and God bless you. 

From time to time there are disagreements, quarrels and so on which are not uncommon to people in a marital relationship. However, when it degenerates into a war because of a third party, you need to be step away and take a conscious look at the whole picture.

Every team thrives on cohesion, so also in marriage you have to be able to speak the same word, be on the same page and desire the same result. Meaning you must be going in the same direction with the hope of arriving at the same destination.

There are times when you have a third party in your marriage; in-laws, another (wo)man, relatives or friends. However, you are not to turn against your team member, spouse. You are to drive out the enemy. Please understand that your parents in law are not your enemies, for the most part they mean well but perhaps overstep their bounds. That is why you need to be on the same page to set appropriate boundaries. Many relationships have imploded because members turned against each other. Any time members of the same group turn against each other, destruction is inevitable.

2 Chronicles 20:23
 "For the children of Ammon and Moab stood up against the inhabitants of mount Seir, utterly to slay and destroy them: and when they had made an end of the inhabitants of Seir, every one helped to destroy another".

So you need to understand each other, have a strategy on how to deal with any third party, do not give up on each other and commit your home unto the Lord. Ensure that Jesus is at the centre of your home. You will see Him defeat every plan of the enemy concerning your home and  peace in Jesus name.

Blessings.