Financial Power

Does Financial power change the order of things in the home?

We were at our House Fellowship yesterday when a young girl asked a question I was asked to answer. "With roles changing in the home, if a woman earns more than a man, does that make her the head?". 

The fact that a woman earns more than her husband does not make her the head. It is true that money answers all things. However, there is order in God's kingdom. If a woman earns more than the husband, there is a need for understanding to balance things out at home. It takes a very understanding man to allow his wife to work long hours while he keeps an eye on the children and the home. It is the responsibility of the woman to still accord the man due respect and make sure she does not usurp authority because of her financial power. A woman needs to understand that without the support of the man at home, she can not progress without sacrificing some important aspects of life. There is nothing we have, that we have not received from God.

However, the fact that a man does not bring in huge amount of money does not reduce his place as the head. If you work shorter hours than your wife in a day, besides keeping an eye on your children, you can improve yourself by adding a skill or two. You can take courses through correspondence or if you are in an environment where you can acquire a skill, do not shy away from it. This keeps you out of trouble that idleness can cause and adds value to your person. 

The fact that your wife earns more than you does not mean you should make her life miserable by expecting her to come back from work and still do house chores, cook (God help you if you have to really wait for that) and other strenuous things only to prove you are "the man". Idling around, becoming the CEO of discussions and comments on Facebook or other  social media does not make you respected.

The concept of team work makes things work seamlessly when both parties are willing to hold their own end of the bargain. The home belongs to both the man and woman, it takes joint effort to make things work. Financial power does not give the woman headship at home, neither does it take the God-given power away from a man because of how much he earns. 

2 Timothy 2:19

"Nevertheless the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: “The Lord knows those who are His,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of Christ[c] depart from iniquity.”"

Let us not follow the world. I welcome your insights.

 

 

Tale of Talents

Hello Blessed people. The tale of talents is the tale of maximization of ability! God does not give you what you can't handle. The story of the talent depicts God's ability to try the reins of the heart. What you have now is a function of what you can handle. If you are complaining about what you have now, you will complain even if He gives you more without using it well. Do you make the best of your talents in different areas of your life?

Career/Business:Do you know that what you are talented in comes easier that what you are trained for? In choosing your career, do not be motivated by money or status. If you do what you are talented in, you will never have to work in your entire life. Whether it is classy or not, make use of your talent and you will enjoy effortless triumph.

Marriage: There is something about you that perfectly compliments your spouse. If you do not identify it and improve at it, you will always  be a faultfinder. If the only thing you notice about your spouse are his/her faults, you will always have issues. You say to yourself, "I wish I had married the guy or girl I was going out with in University" Why? You see their pictures on Facebook, the vacations they go for, the houses, cars, dressing etc. If you could not handle the challenges you had when you were going out, you would not have been able to handle the potentials they carry in marriage! You have no business desiring what belongs to someone else, cultivate your own farm and it will yield unto you.

 Matthew 25:15 NKJV
"And to one he gave five talents, to another  two, and to another one, to each according to his own ability; and immediately he went on a journey"

So, identify your talents in all areas of your life, do not be shy to work with them in order to profit. Do not desire what belongs to someone else because you have no idea the sacrifice they make to maintain and sustain the glitz and glamour that you are envious of.  Refuse to be a witch or wizard, do not be envious, rather make the best of your God-given talents. Keep trading!

Shalom.

Dress to Kill?

Your dressing says a lot about you. As a matter of fact, it helps us tell a bit about an individual's mental status...If you wear summer clothes in winter, you will be considered mentally unstable. I have also heard this line "dress the way you want to be addressed". I am hoping that you will add your dime and nickel on this. However, if I do not get any response, I will still put what was laid on my heart on this page.

A lot of single women dress to look good for themselves and some others to gain attention. If you are single and you dress to get attention, if your cleavage is not leaving anything to the imagination, where is the place of dignity? If your skirt or dress is so short that your decency runs the risk of exposure to all and sundry if the wind blows, what does that say about your level of decorum?

I have seen married women who show cleavage, all in the name of "still there". Some expose yammy, fatty legs because they still want to "feel among" or considered "being in the market" which of the markets please?. For non Christians maybe it is ok, but if you are a Christian woman and you think you have to flaunt it because you've got it, other men find it disgusting and distracting, so help people to focus by dressing with respect for yourself  in mind.

In the secular world where everything goes, there are standards when you are to attend an interview. You are told to dress in your sunday best, conservative and not to be overly loud, revealing or inappropriate at all. If the people of the world understand the place of decency, what excuse do you have as a godly woman to dress provocatively?

There is a how of dressing for every occasion, if you wear a skirt suit to a club house, you are likely to be out of place, also if you wear a jugging suit to a black tie dinner you are likely to be denied entry. If you will not go to a corporate meeting in your t-shirt and shorts why would you go about dressing in ways that will not glorify God in your  life. A very close darling sister of mine bought cargo capri pants some years back. She got her size and did not bother to check the style, well, they were low rise and she was so scared the pants were going to fall off at a point when she went out. When you buy low rise pants and your panties show when you bend down, what message are you sending out?

As a married woman the only time you are allowed to wear skimpy, revealing clothes is when you are at home with your husband! A man of God, Pastor Sam Adeyemi said in a message one time, "some women dress to kill, so make sure you dress to kill your husband before he goes outside and sees those women". Our home is where we fail to dress appropriately at times. Your husband should be the  number one person you dress to kill! Every man would like his wife wearing skimpy, revealing clothes at home to please him. Please tell me if am wrong all ye men. A personal example, I like wearing t-shirt and lounge pants when at home because they are comfortable. My hubby came in one day and he said; "what's up with you and this velour all the time?" I made sure he never repeated that statement. Through out the warm months, I ensured I wore skimpy skirt/shorts any time he is at home.

When we were growing up,  you are never to wear your native attire without a proper under wear that covers you up nicely. These days with organza lace showing everything you find a lot of women who wear nothing to cover up under the net laces and so on. If a man wore lace with big holes in those days, you were boxers, but now, men and women alike, everybody is attempting to outdo the other by taking outrageous to a whole new level! Life happens and we get busy with more important things that wearing skimpy skirts and stuff. However, we owe it to ourselves to appear decently in or outside our home. For the single ladies you can dress appropriately and still turn heads. It is not the exposure that attracts the right people, it is much more than that; comportment, appearance, cleanliness and so on. Dress the way you would like to be addressed. It may be fashionable to dress exposing yourself, it is not godly or decent to dress revealing your breast and exposing your thighs!

So is it only women that do not dress appropriately you ask? Well, some men do not dress well too, you are constantly wearing a t-shirt with frayed collar and your wife tells you but you do not listen because you have been dressing before she was born.

A lot of young men get into trouble because of where they place their pants. It does not look cool to sag your pants, please pull them up! Do you wear clothes that are too big, too tight or unnecessarily expensive so you can come across as cool? As a matter of fact when you dress the wrong way it send out a wrong message to those who see you. I was at a conference not too long ago and I noticed a man come in looking like a magician because of the loud way he dressed. My days as an undergraduate gave me the opportunity to see some kind of dressing that I pray I do not see again, some as a result of poverty others as a result of lack of exposure. Regardless of your state in life, your appearance says a lot about you.

I leave you with 1 Timothy 2:9

"in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing".

Blessings.

With the same measure...

Saturday November 16, 2013 will remain forever fresh in my memory...why? It was such a delight to see God fulfill His word in ways beyond what my little my could comprehend. Mothers Summit is a vision that God gave my mentor, Rev. Mrs Funke Felix-Adejumo, I can not but be fascinated at the zeal and enthusiasm with which this woman travels around the world encouraging mothers to pray for their seeds. This woman sowed seeds of faith, christian and godly conduct in my life as an individual about 20 years ago, and I can not thank God enough who caused my path to cross hers. 

Where are you in life? What difference can you make in the lives of those around you? Do you procrastinate about the things you need to do today to make a difference? Do you count the cost too much to make a difference? God is a God of principles and He will honor His principles in the life of whoever follows them. Obedience is the shortest way to blessings. What are you measuring out? Goodness, kindness, love and support are fast becoming scarce even at the altar where everyone has become a hoarder and hugger. A man of God says; "you can not be a star forever" that does not mean your star will grow dim but in the face of age, natural decline etc, you are not likely to be able to do the things you do in your stride today the same way in another 30 years no matter how strong you are. Are you measuring out anything to bless others? If you help fan someone else's fire to flame, be sure there will be someone else waiting to help you blossom. 

We prayed some dangerous prayers at the Mothers summit, one of the prayers was that "our children will not marry their enemies", also, "that they will not marry our enemies". So if you are a daughter in-law and you have been an enemy, how do you reverse that prayer? The world runs on seeds and you can not pattern the way you live your life after how someone else lives theirs. It is not easy to be on the receiving end especially if what is being dished out is not palatable. Whatever God does shall be, do you attempt to crush dreams, ideas because they do not originate from you? Do you compete endlessly because you too must be heard, seen even in your marriage?

Whether you are a man or woman, you do not need to make life miserable unto others. Ps. 133:1 "Behold how beautiful it is for brethren to dwell together in unity". How often do we neglect the way of peace if it does not massage our egos? When in the family, church or among friends, it is very easy to throw caution to the wind if we are not the centre of attention. The world is a great place when all works well around us but if for a minute we fail to get the desired result, our utterances change...hmm.

Luke 6:38b For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.” In your relationship, among colleagues at work, among brethren at church, from your spouse or family members, what you dish out will be measured back to you. If you find it difficult to say amen, then you might want to watch your actions. If you are not worried but eager to say amen, keep the good work. 

Everything we do in life is a seed, when it germinates, it brings back more than we sowed. Keep sowing and with the same measure, expect harvest!

Shalom!

Going to those who sell...

To all my single friends in the house...
Going to those who sell...
The story of the ten virgins is a parable that Jesus shared to depict a lot of things. Matthew 25:4-9
"but the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. 5 But while the bridegroom was delayed, they all slumbered and slept.

6 “And at midnight a cry was heard: ‘Behold, the bridegroom is coming;[a] go out to meet him!’ 7 Then all those virgins arose and trimmed their lamps. 8 And the foolish said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ 9 But the wise answered, saying, ‘No, lest there should not be enough for us and you; but go rather to those who sell, and buy for yourselves.

Preparation: You must have heard that marriage requires preparation. Your preparation must be able to last you beyond the wedding day. As good as it is to dress well, provide food and drinks for guest, you have to be mentally, emotionally and physically prepared for the challenges that marriage brings. The virgins ran out of oil because they were probably excited about meeting the bridegroom that they did not put any thought into preparing for the possibility of a delay. As you get excited and anticipate a proposal; remember that you may have to wait for the bridegroom. In order words, a demand is likely to be placed on your patience in the area of finance, selflessness, tolerance etc. Learn as much as you can and pray hard towards marriage so you do not arrive totally unprepared.

Emotional Preparation: there are emotionally challenges you need to prepare for. If you are insecure in any way, ensure you get help and get rid of your insecurity, otherwise, marriage will expose how insecure you are by your reactions to situations.

Physical preparation: its often said that you should dress the way you want to be addressed. Whether you are male or female, your appearance says so much about you and it can either make or mar your image. If you are engaged as a girl and you wear revealing clothes, you are sending the wrong message across. If you are single and you dress like a grandma, you are likely to turn off likely candidates. Having said that, you do not want to dress well only before marriage but during marriage in order to keep your home. If you are a single guy, you can not afford to dress like a retired farmer and except any of the good looking sisters in church to pay any attention to you.

Financial preparation is important for the man and the woman. Uncles, Aunties and friends may assist you with your fairytale wedding, but after the wedding you have to settle down into your marriage. If you have not adequately prepared and you run out of money, you may likely run out of love too. Maybe there was no love involved originally you protest. Money has a way of enhancing love, the absence of money can cause friction in a marriage.

Finally, the Anointing, The Holy Spirit lubricates, prevents friction and rust. If you allow Him in your marriage, you will enjoy all things. He will teach you and you will not be rusty, he will help you and you will not have constant friction in your home. When you run out of oil in your relationship, you become forced to go to those who sell. Pornography, TV shows, irreconcilable differences, ideas that are not supported by the bible and so on, then become the options you have when you do not allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in your relationship. You have to be adequately prepared before stepping into marriage. Wishing you all the best again. I commit you into His eternal hands for guidance and direction. In the mean time, make sure you have enough oil to last you till the bridegroom comes.

Blessings.

Standard against him...

There is no doubt that the devil is the root of all disagreement and problems. In all marriages, the sole aim of the devil is to constantly cause disagreement, misunderstanding, chaos and lack of peace. There is a place for prayer, there is another place for action. By action you are either supporting the devil or routing him out. There are ways we support the devil against ourselves in our home:

Words: how do you use your words? Constructively, in an abusive manner,harshly or lovingly. How many times do you say things that make your spouse shrink and after a while they become almost invisible? You do  not see or notice the impact that your words have on your spouse because every statement tells them "keep quiet". You say to yourself, "I never say that". However, in never allowing your husband to make suggestions in areas that you feel you are a pro, you gradually shut him up. Your wife can never make any contribution to whatever you are doing because you are the one who works in a bank, she is a teacher, what can she possibly know? If you are the Executive wife who works in close proximity with men and you have learned to be hard, you must still learn how to use words around your husband who is just a cab driver. Do you address your spouse because of what you see today? Be careful because you have no clue what tomorrow holds for him as long as he believes the Lord. Do not use words to hurt the ones you love. Rather, use your word to build up. Do you still curse, call yourselves and family members insulting names? You are partnering with the devil.

Attitude/Action: when we are faced with challenges in our home, do we act as if that is the end of the relationship. You are willing to give away your years together by physically destroying your possession. Perhaps that is extreme you say, but how about acting in silence. Silent treatment has a way of making things deteriorate in the home. The man acts on his own, reading inaccurate meaning to every action by the wife. The wife says to herself; "he does not care about me, I will do my own thing and I could care less what happens afterwards". Every time you break the edge or allow a gap, the enemy makes sure he widens it. Yes, you may not care what happens afterwards but the mess that is created will have to be mopped after the storm has settled. Why even start that? I remember with gratitude our early days of marriage. I would say to myself, "I do not care what he does, I am not going to give in". Stubbornness does not get you a trophy!.

These two ways are very powerful in roads for the enemy into the home that we pray about all the time. Why must we be the ones destroying what we build on a daily basis?. I understand that things look very bad when you are right in the middle of it and it is almost impossible to think logically. Here is the word of God today;
Isaiah 59:19
"So shall they fear The name of the Lord from the west, And His glory from the rising of the sun; When the enemy comes in like a flood, The Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him".

Decide to partner with the spirit of the Lord to lift a standard against the enemy. If you make all the confessions in the bible and yet you cannot master your spirit in the face of a discussion, you will end up quarrelling all the time. In working with God, you have to be objective and see things from another person's perspective. You may be smart, your partner also has  a brain. Learn to reach a compromise as often as possible. If there is an outstanding action item on your part, receive grace from God to do it. Do you need to get a job, be more helpful around the house, be more organized with your timing? God will guide you every step of the way.

**Lord I apply the blood of Jesus against every hole or broken edge in my marriage in Jesus name
**I refuse to work with the enemy in my own home against myself
**Lord I receive wisdom to handle my challenge in Jesus name.
**I confess positively, I exercise discipline and caution in what I say and how I act towards my spouse in Jesus name.
**I will eat the good of the land(marriage) in Jesus name.

Choose to be sensitive to the enemy's bait, do not swallow them. Your home is for you to enjoy and not endure. Have you tried writing down things that press your button in your relationship? You need to do that and start working on how to get over them. Wisdom is profitable for all things. I pray that you have abundance to deal with your peculiar situation.

Shalom!

Insecurity

Insecurity simply means lack of confidence or assurance. It affects both male and female and can without any doubt eat at the core of unity in the home.

What causes insecurity?

Comparison: when you measure yourself with other people. When you compare your friends’ lifestyle, as well as achievements with yours in terms of career, material acquisition, educational qualification and so on you are likely to feel insecure. Every time you compare yourself with others and you fall short, you lose your sense of confidence.  Your level of education does not determine how well you can function in life, strive to be the best at what you do.

**You are unique, and original, never try to be someone else’s photocopy. Comparing yourself with others shows lack of wisdom.

Immediate gratification: the need to have material things and have them now, also make people insecure when they fall short. There is the saying that “good things come to those who wait” is true. Insecurity sets in when you want things right now and you cannot afford to have them.  A young couple who is just starting out in life may not have the kind of furniture older and more settled couples have. That does not make you any lesser than others, you are at a phase in your life and the understanding that you too will outgrow that phase should keep you confident.

**Sometimes you have to wait, mature or grow to have some things, you probably have friends whose rides are sleek and expensive but if you can not afford that at your level, it does not make you any lesser than them. Life is in phases and men are in sizes.

Identity Crisis: an identity crisis is when you do not know who you are. This is not referring to your mental status or orientation to time and place. However, this refers to knowing your strengths, weakness, personal values and goals. When a person had no mind of their own, they are easily persuaded and swayed to do things whether they believe those things or not. Insecure people find it hard to stand up to those who are confident and understand exactly what they want. If you suffer from identity crisis, it is important to discover

who you are before you get into a relationship. It is not surprise to see people feel vulnerable when seasons change in their relationship. A woman who is insecure will feel oppressed by her husband because he knows what he wants, and how to go about it.  On the other hand, an insecure man will find his wife stubborn, difficult, not submissive because she has set goals, understands her strength and is hardly out to please others.

** You need to understand who you are especially from the view point of the word of God and start forming your values from there. Our confidence is in God and when you realize that you learn to be who God has made you to be.

Catching up with the Jones:  this is an expression used when people try to do what others they regard as successful and wealthy do. Trying to live to please others, measuring up to societal expectations or peer pressure can create insecurity. Your friends always wear brand name, the effect of that on your finances is that you are never able to make your bill payments.

**You need to weigh your choices and the impact they have on your personal life and live with the consequence of that. You may not be perceived as cool, rich, popular but you will be at peace with yourself. You need to learn to celebrate the treasure in you that makes you unique.

Leave your past where it belongs: for those who suffered abuse in the past; verbal, psychological, physical, sexual abuse and any other form of abuse you can not afford to allow your past to define you. Insecurity shows up when you are defensive unduly. You many never forget that or blot it out of your memory, but you must be healed and move on. Insecurity is an invitation to allow others have undue power over you.

Identifying Insecurity tendencies in you.

v  Fear or inability to speak for yourself without being confrontational or disagreeable

v  Bullying or manipulative tendencies in order to control people around you to do what you want

v  Giving others the right to make decisions in your life and then complaining about such decisions

Identifying Insecurity in others

v  Selfishness: when people hide behind wealth acquisition  with no intention of helping or being a blessing to others, it might be a display of insecurity because they think their possession makes them better than others.

v  Arrogance: When people talk about their achievements, possession all the time even when it is unnecessary, without allowing others to contribute 

v  Sulkiness: throwing fits of moodiness to manipulate others to do what you want them to do.

v  Gossip; action that insecure people put up to make themselves look better than others. A secure person has no need to drag others down to look or feel good.

v  Authoritarian or Competitive: If someone behaves as if every interaction is a competition, or every situation is an opportunity to boss around others and show them up, then insecurity is at the core of such action. If the person is in a position of power (such as a boss, coach, church leader, etc.) but they lack the confidence to carry out their role, they may try their best to make others around them look bad, as well as placing mediocre into positions that support them. Also, hoarding information or not allowing others have a free hand in order to emerge with potentials to under one's leadership is a display of insecurity.

v  Addictive tendencies: drinking, over working, over shopping, overeating and doing anything excessively shows insecurity. There is a need to know where to draw the line in every thing you do.

Insecurity takes away from who God has made us to be; discover who you are and walk in that confidence. Psalms 139:14 

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well".

Blessings.