By the Rivers of Babylon

By the Rivers of Babylon (Part 1)

Tumi sat down under the patio watching  her boys; Demi 18, Dotun 17 and Dapo 14 as they played soccer in their big backyard. She is ever grateful to God for the closeness she nurtured in the boys that  God has allowed to thrive. They love and care deeply for one another and this gave Tumi a different kind of joy knowing that they will always be there, one for the other.  Life has been good; the boys are doing well at school, they have been trained to take care of the house, cook and work around the house. They are very fond of their Mum and would always tease her, compliment her and tell her she has set a very high standard that will almost be impossible for any girl they meet to beat. Fowope, her husband just got promoted recently at work to become a Regional Vice President with his Insurance company, Tumi has started her own consulting firm and it is amazing the kind of growth she has experienced within the space of 3 years! Sure the future looks great. 

Fowope and Tumi got married 18years ago, they both attended the same church; dedicated workers and  beautiful Christians. Most of Tumi’s girlfriends are Christians, some had been Christians from her University days and she has made a few good friends from work. Her conversation with one of her friends today, Funmi worried her ...their discussion had centred around “Mid Life Crisis” and they were discussing about whether Christian men go through that as well. Funmi who owns an Accounting firm of her own in town had responded, “let’s not fool ourselves by saying we will be exempted from certain societal ills just because we are Christians, all men are equal”. Funmi has been one of those dynamic, strong and focussed girls that will convince you about just anything with her dedication. She has been a Christian longer than most of her friends but her attitude towards life these days has worried Tumi who silently considers her a role model.

Tumi had heard people talk about “Midlife crisis” but she has always thought about that from the perspective of  a man leaving  his wife for a younger one. So she decided to look into what the whole idea of midlife crisis is about.  The dictionary definition she found baffled her because she was not expecting a socially accepted definition, however, it was defined as “a period of psychological stress occurring in the middle age, thought to be triggered by a physical, occupational or domestic event, as menopause, diminution of physical prowess, job loss or departure of children from the home, it is also a time to question what’s been done or not, it is often due to life progression due to life challenges”.

She decided to talk more with Funmi about it knowing something was gnawing at her mind but unsure how to open up about it. Tumi decided to meet Funmi for lunch since they worked in the same area downtown, they chatted excitedly like young girls and were glad they could make the meeting away from their crazy busy schedules. Tumi did not mince words and asked Funmi what was going on to which she responded “Tumi, I am dying inside!, how do I explain to anyone that I have issues when my husband has never  abused me in anyway, he does what every woman prays that her man would do, but he has just become addicted to pornography! He is a respectable elder in the church, who can I turn to among the ministers or Pastor that will understand my plight?” she blurted out. 

Tumi was completely taken aback, unsure of how to approach what Funmi just spilled out, the look on her face must have given her away because Funmi said, “yes, I know it is bad, I know it is despicable but I do not know what to do!. I had a feeling that you were going to talk to me about this because I had been praying that God will deliver him. It has been going on for a while and he even asked me to watch a movie with him once, he said we are adults and we can improve our love life by watching some stuff like that. Tumi, I almost puked and I felt very filthy when I watched pornography with Chuks”.

Tumi had thought it was one of the issues that could be “settled” or needed encouragement that Funmi was going to talk to her about but the ‘bomb’ that was dropped was more than what she could handle. Tumi asked the Holy spirit for wisdom to handle the situation, “Funmi, I must confess this is overwhelming and I am not sure where to start from or what to say, can we get together later tonight at my place? We will figure something out dear, the Lord will not give you more than you can bear, I am so sorry”. Tumi and Funmi ate the rest of their meals trying not to talk about  Funmi’s situation, they commented on the food and the skimpy clothes that are in vogue.  They parted and agreed to meet  6:30pm at Tumi’s place.

The drive home was not as bad as Tumi anticipated this will allow her to prepare herself for the session tonight, the Lord laid a couple of scriptures on her mind to share with her friend and she wanted to pray ahead with those scriptures. Tumi heard the door bell and made her way downstairs to open the door, Funmi was standing outside with a look of anxiety on her face, she made her way in and they went into the family study to talk. Funmi started, “Tumi, I appreciate every bit of what you are doing and I want you to know that being able to open up to you has taken a load off me”. Tumi drew her into a warm embrace and they both wept. “Ok, Funmi, the Lord has been laying some verses of scriptures on my mind and we have to be sincere with Him”.

Psalms 137:1-3 NKJV

By the rivers of Babylon,
There we sat down, yea, we wept
When we remembered Zion.
² We hung our harps
Upon the willows in the midst of it.
³ For there those who carried us away captive asked of us a song,
And those who plundered us requested mirth,
Saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!”

How did you get to this point? In what way have you neglected God and accommodated pleasure to the detriment of your walk with God? Captivity comes when we step out of God’s wall of protection around us, and it opens us up to the ridicule of the enemy. They repented on behalf of Chucks and Funmi, worshiped,  prayed hard, and wept. By the time they finished it was late but they  felt a warm feeling flood their hearts and Funmi felt revived knowing without a doubt they had touched the hem of Christ’s garment and obtained mercy. The time was 1045pm when Funmi got home. Chucks was really upset that she was returning home that late, Funmi explained that she had gone to meet with Tumi and that they had a prayer session. Chucks felt guilty not sure what the whole session was about. “So what was the prayer meeting about?” he asked sarcastically. Funmi smiled and said, “we will talk about that later honey?”  She asked Chucks what he would like for dinner and his response baffled her a bit “dinner at almost midnight? You should have thought about that before organizing a prayer meeting for an odd time like tonight”.  Funmi felt slighted and knew Chucks was trying to put up a wall to prevent him from having a discussion tonight. She responded; “honey, am so sorry it was just meant to be a quick discussion but you know how women are, we hardly have such opportunities, as such, we decided to make the most of it..., let me whip something together for you, salad?”.  Chucks nodded reluctantly and in no time Funmi had mixed the salad together and dropped some nuts in it, she teasingly said to her husband, you are what you eat... Chucks was forced to smile and responded “hey, am no nuts okay”.

As they settled in bed for the night, Funmi prayed hard wondering how to start the talk to express her concerns about Chucks addiction – pornography. “Honey, God has been really good to us when we consider where He has brought us from, today, I saw an old friend in the elevator of my building and she said she was going to attend an interview as a clerk, I could not help but thank God for making me the principal of my own firm” Funmi  said almost whispering.  Chucks started , “we have been blessed and with little effort these days, God’s blessings keep pouring in”.  “We have to be careful to mind our estate and not allow the enemy to get a foot hold or pollute our blessings” Funmi chipped in. Her heart was racing, the mood was just perfect and she didn’t want to ruin it with what she had in mind. “God, please help me” she prayed silently. The light went off and she started whispering some prayers, Chucks mumbled amen and in no time she heard him snoring. Tears were rolling down her eyes, her heart was very heavy as she watched her husband sleeping. He was sleeping on all sides; physically and spiritually and that could be extremely dangerous. She went back downstairs unable to sleep.

Funmi tried to log into the computer in their study, the number of pop-up screens with lewd pictures made her stomach turn. “Lord, where did we break the edge”?  How come Chucks has given himself up to this addiction and it seems he does not even see anything wrong in it anymore? As she kept looking around, she stumbled upon a screen that has been minimized, and as she read it she let out a scream and she covered her own mouth, it was an online conversation with a teenager, who was willing to meet up with Chucks for a drink. She kept screaming as she read the conversation, her husband’s chronic disease had gone from ordinary viewing to conversing and probably stepping his game up to the next level of meeting his online ‘friends’ face-to-face’. Funmi screamed and wept loudly, Chucks came rushing downstairs not sure of what was going on.  Funmi was crying bitterly on the floor and nothing Chucks said could console her. She could not make any sense when she tried to speak; Chucks had seen the screen and knew his secret was out, how could he have made such a foolish mistake? He had been quite careful all this while to ensure he did not leave any trace that could lead to suspicion...To be continued.