In quest for my bone...

I want a perfect marriage, I am willing to give it what it takes but when will the man show up, how do I find a good woman considering the fact that a lot of women are in it for what they can get, not for the long haul? Has that not been the struggle of an average man/woman?, the quest to find the perfect bone and flesh. It is one thing to have suitors it is another to be looking and just be coming across the wrong individuals. What do I do to attract wrong personalities? “If I love the man, he does not love me, the one I do not love is all over me but his scores are low as far as the qualities I am looking for in a man”. “Most girls focus on the outside, I want a lady who loves the love, intelligent and has proper upbringing” I hear from a lot of single guys.

Hebrews 13:4 NKJV

 “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge”.

 

The reality is that you cannot be the judge and jury... There is a God who knows the heart of every man, you need to give your own heart to Him first so that He can match you with the right person. I hear you say, how many times do you have to do that? Well, if that is settled then you need to look inwards;

What do you say?

How do you carry on?

Where do you hang out?

What is your disposition?

What is your expectation?

I have heard a young man quietly severe his relationship with a girl because of the things she says. Do not say what you do not mean. Trying to indirectly match the standard of a guy or girl can get you into trouble. Assuming that a man does not want a big family and so saying “I do not like children, they are a handful” can make you lose a decent man. Ask the Lord to guide the gates of your lips when you are talking so you do not just say senseless things that can destroy your future. Promising heaven and earth to a young lady because you want her at all cost will lead to frustration when you can not make such promises come to pass.  Do not borrow to satisfy any girl!

Be yourself, do not pretend to be who you are not. If you are from a humble family and God has blessed you by virtue of your career, do not talk as if you own the world. It may tick off a potential Mr or Ms Right. A lot of us are fond of talking big depending on what circle we find ourselves. Do not talk yourself out of God’s plan for your life by being “all that”. Humility is a virtue that speaks without you opening your mouth.

A Christian guy who visits a strip club looking for a wife will bring home a stripper so also a Christian lady who goes to the bar or parties to look for a husband to “refine” will bring home a drunk. “How do you know” you ask me? It is not everybody who goes to the bar who are drunk and neither does everyone  who goes to church is born again. True, but birds of the same feather are likely to flock together, mind the company you keep.  Before I got married, I had older friends who wanted to introduce single men to me,  if you are at an age where you find yourself becoming everyone’s project, do not get mad. .. just hang in and keep trusting God because the right person will come. Do not get upset at all the people you are likely to be introduced to, just take it in your stride, a sense of humor and trust that God will sift out the right person for you.  Learn not to waste time with those who are not serious or who you do not have anything in common with. You are not likely to have time to smell what you are not likely to eat.

If you are trusting God for a life partner and you are always wearing a frown, it may be a little challenging to find the right person.  Those who have men flocking around them have  very impressive personality,  girls are not likely to even look in your direction no matter how spiritual you are if you flare up at every disagreement.  Learn to be selfless and kind. You are likely to win a woman’s heart with kind gestures and gifts, be a giver.  Clean, neat appearance is important, if you speak in fire, never mind tongues but you are rough, unkempt and careless, a man may not be easily attracted to you.  Learn how to tolerate other people’s company and do not find faults with every move people make around you.

Finally, make sure your expectations are not just for now, a lot of women look for ready-made men and lose their husbands in the process. A man may not have everything right now, but if he is a child of God, hardworking and has prospects, the future is bright. You will be amazed how transformed men can be with the right touch and a few bucks! A woman who is pretty today may lose her beauty due to accidents  or mishaps (that will not be your portion in Jesus name). Marry for what is in the heart of a woman, the inner beauty, compassion and love of God. Be friends with whoever you want to marry, be able to communicate with them.  Learn to respect others, so you too can be respected. If you have a friend and your relationship does not end in marriage, do not be nasty you will be amazed the next place your paths will cross.  Be willing to build together, invest prayer, love  and time into your relationship and watch it blossom in years down the road.

I look forward to welcoming you into the company of the married soon!

Shalom!