Nabal Syndrome

Everyone one of us have our fears; things that create anxiety and apprehension in us. As singles (unmarried) male or female one major area of our lives that create anxiety in us stem from the following questions: what does the future hold for me in the area of marriage? Who am I going to spend the rest of my life with? Will it work? Will I know how to handle marital pressure? Will I make the same mistake my parents made? How will I avoid becoming part of statistics? Divorce is not limited to non believers anymore, it has crept its way into churches and even unto altars.

The fear of the unknown lead people to find security at all cost. A lot of young ladies see money as a source of security and that explains why love no longer drives marriage. God's plan for you is that you will marry someone you love and who loves you in return. God's purpose for marriage is that you enjoy companionship and procreation with someone you love and trust. When you marry a man just because of his money, you may never earn the man's appreciation or attention because time will tell why you have married him. A lot of girls from third world countries regardless of whether they say they are Christians or not, would do anything to marry a man who lives in the Western world. This is solely because of the misconception that he is comfortable and will provide for a woman's needs. At the end of the day, this leads to deception, lies, violence once you have become his "MRS".

 As a young lady are you willing to become the wife of any man as long as there is fame attached to the role? You do not care what you have to do to become the second, third or fourth wife of a man because he is a politician. Perhaps you are competing to win the heart of the newly ordained pastor or minister so you can become "mummy pastor" or Mother-in-the-Lord. If you are not trained to handle human beings, you end up mishandling them or they will mishandle you. Time may be against you and you are willing to compromise and marry whoever comes your way, but a few months in a miserable marriage will make divorce look so peaceful...

As a Christian, male or female, what are the reasons why you are longing to get married? If they are just flimsy reasons like; my mates are already married, am tired of jumping around, my mother is worried or I will not get a title or position if am single, you may never find fulfilment or joy in such a marriage when you eventually get into it. Violence against women within the institution of marriage has been on the rise in the last little while and it makes me ask why? If you are a lady and your are reading this, please do not write yourself off and whine about not getting younger. Have you written yourself off that you too can make it in life therefore, you see an individual as your ticket to prosperity? God alone knows the heart of man and He is the one you should consult on marriage.

 Parents, let us discourage our children from getting into relationships that are likely to destroy them just because we want them to be comfortable. A man who sees himself as a god to you and your family will not think twice before he hurts you just because he has concluded that he is not answerable to anyone of you, afterall, he is the "El-shaddai" who provides for every member of your family.

 

1 Sam 25:25-31

Abigail the pretty, intelligent, well mannered and initiative wife of Nabal had read and heard about David, a man after God's heart who had strength and character, a solid warrior and leader of the army of Israel. How she admired and loved this great man and wished for the good qualities in him to be found in her own husband! That will never be the case because dynamic Abigail was married to a FOOL. Although wealthy, Nabal lacked social skills, neither did he possess emotional intelligence. He was a proud recluse who lived in the euphoria of his possession. He had never heard about David or his exploits, neither did he pay attention when his own servants told him how fair and protective this great warrior was to his servants. He belonged to the ilk of men who could say any rubbish or senseless word that could easily attract wrath upon his family.

 

Abigail had a second chance at love and life. She appeased David, displayed wisdom and secured a place in an enduring kingdom because she ended up marrying David. Not everyone will have Abigail's destiny...make the best of what God has given unto you, wait for the right man, be the right man.

In conclusion, Nabal syndrome can be defined as "opting out for folly because of the now". A lot of smart, beautiful, God-fearing, well mannered ladies give themselves away to godless, ungrateful, unbelieving, selfish and mean men because they have money. Men who are quick to be verbally, financially, physically abusive as well as hinder a woman from fulfilling her destiny are not worthy of you.

Wait for your David; a man who knows God, value your god-given qualities and will treat you well, shower you with love and affection and make you see the demonstration of God's love by his way of life. Be not deceived, there is still a remnant, men who have not sold their souls to Baal! Why would you regret in the house of a fool when your David is on the way.

You belong in the palace not the house of a fool!

Blessings

When I was a Child...

There are certain things that children do and we can not but 'coo' at the sight of such. They make funny faces, eat with food all over their faces with a big disarming smile. Children dance without any bashfulness and it does not matter whether it goes with the rhythm or not, they laugh at the silliest of jokes and merely watching them crack you up as an adult. Then they get to the face of 'ITK" I too know, when you hardly can make sense around them because they know everything. There are the teenage years gbrrrrrr! 'the scary and selfish years" when parents wonder what happened to their sons/daughters and ask themselves secretly where their children disappeared to.

When maturity comes, those children learn to hear other people's view, dialogue, converse, brainstorm, work as a team. We all go through the different phases of metarmophosis in our relationships especially a marriage relationship. Courtship days are meant for sweet nothings when everything the other party does is amusing, cute, loving and sweet. Then you get married and you wonder what happened to the fine, gentleman or lady that you married. It is all about metamorphosis, evolving.

1 Corinthians 13:11 NKJV
"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things".

When I looked closely at this verse; I asked myself a few questions;
=>In what way do I speak as a child to my spouse; trying to hurt with my words because I have been hurt, trying to have my way, to please myself and just be the focus and centre of attention all the time?
=>In what way do I understand everything he says and does as a child; children are the most selfish beings; they cry when they are hungry, wet, uncomfortable or just want to have things their way. Some would scream and through tantrum. Do you do any of these in your marriage relationship?
=>In what way do I think as a child, short term, parochial, indulgent and wanting convinience, subject to peer pressure and comparison (wish our house could be as big as the Jones')
=>Do I need to grow up and become a man, in certain cultures a man is expected to be stoic and not overly emotional, should I answer my wife everytime she nags or complains? Should I give her the silent treatment to straighten her out? I guess all these amount to childish ways, they need to be put away.

Around valentine's day, I wrote about 'Maturing in Love'. Perhaps it is time to work towards maturity as oppossed to whining to have things our way in our relationship. Instead of fighting or nagging, can you sleep over issues and find a way of presenting them nicely? It will not hurt if you allow your spouse to take certain decisions as long as they are not a matter of life and death. Yes, you are a perfectionist, you have a picture of how things should be, you are a great manager but peoople who are not need to learn.

Have you impacted your spouse positively in any way? She is a spendthrift, have you ever tried to give your spouse financial responsibility around the house so she too can acquire some skills? Not until we leave chidish ways, we will continue to rub each other the wrong way. It is time to grow up and attain maturity.

Blessings!