I went to pick the mails and it was a huge pile. I sorted the bills from
the flyers and I had just one card in the big pile that was a birthday
card. I got home and placed the bills on the fireplace totally unsure
where to turn my eyes, mind and thoughts. I have looked severally to the
mountains, hills and everywhere, no help seems to be forthcoming. I am
seriously thinking of other ways of making things work. If others are
systematically committing fraud and by so doing making ends meet, maybe I
should try at least until this siege is over... I came here with a
degree in Economics and I have completed my Masters degree in same yet,
it is from one entry level,menial job to another. I pay my tithes and it
is almost insulting to listen every time to people share their
testimonies about how they were considered for positions they were not
qualified
for...
We finished a three day fasting and praying program
specifically for women trusting God for the fruit of the womb and the
visiting pastor said, "go home, anoint your bed and God will do what He
alone can do". It has been about a month since then and I just got my
period again. I am so tempted to "help" myself and put an end to this
ridicule...
The brother who had asked me for sex before marriage
and I said no, is getting married to a sister in the church!. Can you
imagine how that hurts? So does that mean this sister gave in or am I
being foolish? Maybe I should have just done what everyone does to get
answers and free myself from frustration and misery. I think am taking
things too seriously and perhaps I should just do what Romans do since I
live in Rome. It is either the other sister gave in to his request or
something is wrong with me...
I have pledged and sowed just
because I want God to touch this wayward, wandering man
I call my husband. He seems to be getting worse with every act of faith
I display, if he is not hitting me, he is ridiculing me before our
friends. I have made up my mind to "take care of things" and everyone
will hear at that time...
It is hard not to revert to what you
are familiar with when faced with a difficult situation. The Patriarchs
of old had their own challenges and we learn from each one about how
they handled their peculiar situations. Let us consider John 21: 2-4 KJV
"There
were together Simon Peter, and Thomas called Didymus, and Nathanael of
Cana in Galilee, and the sons of Zebedee, and two other of his
disciples.
3 Simon
Peter saith unto them, I go a fishing. They say unto him, We also go
with thee. They went forth, and entered into a ship immediately; and
that night they caught nothing.
4 But when the morning was now come, Jesus stood on the shore: but the disciples knew not that it was Jesus".
Simon
Peter, Jesus' right hand man, bold, courageous, willing to stand by the
master in the face of challenge went back to the familiar. He was a
fisher man when Jesus met him and perhaps he was expecting things to
continue just the way they were when Jesus was around but life had
become boring, no Jesus, miracle, influence or aura of the Lord Jesus,
they were no longer invited to places where they were regarded as
celebrities (Wedding in Cana of Galilee), as a matter of fact, the
Pharisees were out for their heads and throats...Peter the rock,
reverted back to human nature, solution and way of
taking care of things. He went back fishing but the result was still
the same; nothing, emptiness, failure...that is always the result when
we go back to sort spiritual dilemma through human ability.
Since
I do not know your situation and what you have been up against, it will
be totally wrong to assume anything about your situation. However, I
have a Father, a God who knows all things and He has not changed, He
knows your name, He sees and cares and He wants you to trust Him once
more.
May this new month bring about wholeness and completeness
in all areas where you are tempted to help God or revert back to the
familiar.
Blessings.
Sunday 30 September 2012
Thursday 27 September 2012
Uno Momento - One Moment Please!
Patience is a virtue but a very tough one to exhibit. Whether you are dealing with God or man, it is very challenging to be patient.
When you have a sore point in your life, it blinds you to every other thing that functions and runs smoothly in your life. Sometimes you assume it is given to just pass a professional exam at a sitting because you have studied. Some other time you plan that after the first six years of marriage you should be done with baby making business or latest by age 24 you should be happily married and have your future all set and awaiting fulfillment one step after the other... When things are 'slightly' out of place, we wonder where God is and if He no longer answers prayers. Is there anything wrong with having goals and expectations you ask? No, not at all, as a matter of fact, it is important to plan and have an organized thought about where and what you imagine yourself doing in a few years ahead.
However, our plans do not always work out the way we set them out to. That is because God rules over the affairs of men! "They have come again o".... I have experienced a few hitches in my life in areas I thought I had everything figured out. One thing I have learned in my short years of sojourning on this terra firma is that you need to do your part and allow God to do His. How he will do it is strictly His own prerogative. I came across a scripture that I believe will cause your faith to rise and strengthen you in the face of whatever challenge you might be facing.
Romans 5:4-5 NKJV
"And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."
These very words sustain me daily and in the face of whatever I face, I have come to realize that I can not speed up the hand of God by getting anxious or wasting tomorrow's strength by exhibiting undue agitation today. If I am of marriageable age and am successful in other areas of my life, I should know that God is not mean or wicked, He will not allow me to waste my youthful days and not bring me to His perfect will for my life. I cannot go on the street and grab the next man/woman that comes my way, I will wait on Him and am assured He will cause my joy to be full.
Maybe I should yeild to pressure of having sex before marriage after all I am no longer a baby... It is not about you but about what God has laid down in His word. He has said I will not be barren therefore, I will learn patience, acquire experience that will enhance my hope. God will not allow me to go back to school, endure the rigour of academics only to walk the street endlessly and become a nuisance to everyone around me. He is preparing a testimony that will resound and cause men to use me as a point of contact for good things.
I can tell you without an aorta of doubt that HOPE in God will never make put you to shame. Although it is extremely and excruciatingly painful sometimes but my soul will wait on you oh Lord!
When you have a sore point in your life, it blinds you to every other thing that functions and runs smoothly in your life. Sometimes you assume it is given to just pass a professional exam at a sitting because you have studied. Some other time you plan that after the first six years of marriage you should be done with baby making business or latest by age 24 you should be happily married and have your future all set and awaiting fulfillment one step after the other... When things are 'slightly' out of place, we wonder where God is and if He no longer answers prayers. Is there anything wrong with having goals and expectations you ask? No, not at all, as a matter of fact, it is important to plan and have an organized thought about where and what you imagine yourself doing in a few years ahead.
However, our plans do not always work out the way we set them out to. That is because God rules over the affairs of men! "They have come again o".... I have experienced a few hitches in my life in areas I thought I had everything figured out. One thing I have learned in my short years of sojourning on this terra firma is that you need to do your part and allow God to do His. How he will do it is strictly His own prerogative. I came across a scripture that I believe will cause your faith to rise and strengthen you in the face of whatever challenge you might be facing.
Romans 5:4-5 NKJV
"And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."
These very words sustain me daily and in the face of whatever I face, I have come to realize that I can not speed up the hand of God by getting anxious or wasting tomorrow's strength by exhibiting undue agitation today. If I am of marriageable age and am successful in other areas of my life, I should know that God is not mean or wicked, He will not allow me to waste my youthful days and not bring me to His perfect will for my life. I cannot go on the street and grab the next man/woman that comes my way, I will wait on Him and am assured He will cause my joy to be full.
Maybe I should yeild to pressure of having sex before marriage after all I am no longer a baby... It is not about you but about what God has laid down in His word. He has said I will not be barren therefore, I will learn patience, acquire experience that will enhance my hope. God will not allow me to go back to school, endure the rigour of academics only to walk the street endlessly and become a nuisance to everyone around me. He is preparing a testimony that will resound and cause men to use me as a point of contact for good things.
I can tell you without an aorta of doubt that HOPE in God will never make put you to shame. Although it is extremely and excruciatingly painful sometimes but my soul will wait on you oh Lord!
Sunday 23 September 2012
Stolen Waters (Concluding part)
While I
was enjoying my new fulfilled and complete life, my mind just went back to the
sad, unpredictable days of barrenness. I felt my conscience prick me but I had
to silence it right away. Nothing is going to make me go back to those days or
feel guilty of how I got to where I am now. I used what I have to get exactly
what I want. The only reason why I had an affair with Tope was because I could not
have children. I saw his family pictures and he had three healthy boys within
the space of three years, he had what I was looking for!. Tope had the right
genes, I did not intend to break my home or marry him, he had what my life has
been miserable about. He had what money or inheritance could not get me with
Folami and I had to take care of myself in the game of life so I do not lose
out. Folami's Mum was not going to be nice to me if I did not produce a child
for her son. It is easy to judge someone else when you have not walked in their
shoes. Now, I can be at peace and live happily ever after.
Life continued as usual and Omowonuola continued to grow, he is such a fun to watch through every stage of development. I was really happy seeing how lucky I have been. It has been one whole year and Wonuola will be turning one soon. I was planning his birthday bash and decided to go to the party store to check out his favourite Disney character for the party (Mickey Mouse). I was in the balloon aisle and for a strange reason I could sense someone staring at me. I looked up but I told myself my eyes were playing tricks on me. In the adjacent aisle to me was a gentleman with his wife and three boys. Unsure of whether the guy saw me or not, I told the cashier I was going to return to negotiate a better rate for the balloons. To my heels I took, I literally ran out of the store. My heart was racing and I wanted to just go back home, it can not be true or real... I hurriedly left the store but on getting to the car, I noticed I had left my phone at the cash registered where I was taking pictures of some balloon arrangements... Arrrggggg!!! What am I going to do now? I had to get my phone before someone else walks away with it. As I walked back into the store with Wonuola in his stroller, the guy was heading out and held the door for me, yes, it was Tope... I wanted to turn back and run but that would be too obvious. I smiled as he walked up to my son and I, his wife and children were with him. "Look who is here", he teasingly said, I managed a nervous smile. Tope introduced his amiable wife and lovely boys to me and I introduced my son to them, I told them it was a pleasure meeting them. My heart was racing and Tope bent down to look at Wonuola, "hi young man, you are as cute as a button". I was really getting uncomfortable but did not know what to say or do, I just kept smiling in a sheepish manner.
Wonuola bailed me out as he started crying, "he must be hot I said, I need to leave. Kike, Tope's wife came over and said, "let me pick him up and sing for him, anyone would get cranky if strapped in a stroller in this hot weather". She smiled and unbuckled Wonuola. We went into the store and started strolling through the aisles. I did not bargain for this and this was getting too close for comfort. I picked up my phone and thanked the cashier and said goodbye, all this while I avoided saying anything to Tope. Tope said out loud to no one in particular "I need to check one more thing in the hardware isle". Kike invited me over to their hotel room the next day. I refused but she told me they were going to be around for another 2 weeks and I could bring Wonuola to play with her boys. She asked if I would like to give her my number, to that I could not say no, I gave it to her and she said it would be nice to chat with me. I said good bye to her and her boys, told her to say hello to Tope.
All the way home, I was feeling very guilty; she was the sweetest woman I have met in a long time. I might just consider myself dead if she ever discovers that I had an affair with her husband! How on earth do I explain this to myself? I can actually hear my mother say something like this "Doyinsola, how could you, that is greed, theft and adultery all rolled up in one, where did you get that trait from?". I was so sad, without anyone saying a word to me, I could hear voices in my head. A thought just flashed through my mind, "could Wonuola be Tope's son?". I am dead, so dead.... My heart was racing and myriads of questions were going through my mind "Who do I share this with?, I felt I was loosing my mind, what was he doing in Houston, that mall especially?. Why was his wife being unduly nice to me? Were they out to get me? Why did his wife invite me to their hotel room? Were they up to something? I pulled up in front of the house and my husband was out there, he asked what the matter was with me and I said I was not feeling too fine. He took our son out of the car seat and brought him inside tossing him up and kissing him.
Fatherhood has introduced me to a different side to Folami, he is just totally in love with his son and I. As I watched the two of them, I thought to myself, "I should get a DNA test done". How will I do that without our family doctor? What would be the excuse for having a DNA test? I need to get a grip I told myself. Later that evening, my phone rang, and sure thing, it was Kike calling. I wasn't sure what to talk to her about but she was. She asked what I do for a living, about books I have read and so on. Then she told me she wanted to tell me about the love of God. "Please, no born again stuff, I do not belong to that camp", I said to myself. She went on and said something like; "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God". My heart was racing, did she know something? Was she trying to get a message across subtly?" Why is she tormenting me with the things she is saying? Well, at the end of our conversation, I thanked her and wanted to hang up without saying anything. She said, "Doyinsola, is there anything you want to ask or say?" I was upset, why should I have to say anything to you? I do not owe you any explanation so what are you talking about?" I was beginning to raise my voice.
Kike said as calmly as possible "Doyinsola, I am not asking you to make any confession, I was just asking if you wanted to ask anything about our discussion, I mean about knowing the Lord Jesus Christ more intimately". I was embarrassed and ashamed all at once. The guilty will always be afraid... Sorry Kike, I have to go and I hung up the phone. I was crying, nothing could console me. The problem was that I was not sure why I was crying I wanted to know more about this love of God, why would God love me with the atrocity I have committed? I cried and cried, The thoughts going on in my head was about my discussion with Kike and some of the things she said. If only this God has the slightest idea of what I have done and even Kike, am sure she will personally ask God to through me into the hottest part of hell... Folami was confused, unsure of what to say or how to make me feel better. I decided to go to a walk in clinic.
I felt so sad and it was bordering on depression. The most difficult aspect of it all is that I could not confide in anyone. Nothing anyone said to me made sense. I was experiencing a pain in my heart that no medication could treat, then after a week of suffering, I decided to call Kike, we exchanged greetings and she apologized for our last misunderstanding. I told her it was alright but I wanted to meet with her where we would be able to discuss at length. We decided to meet at a coffee store not too far from their hotel room. I told her about how I had been feeling since our last discussion, opening the scriptures to me, she told me about the love of God, the doom of sinners and the promise of eternal life to those who would believe in Jesus. I asked her what I needed to do to which she responded; "Doyinsola, with the heart man believes unto righteousness and with the mouth confesses unto eternal life. you only have to confess that you believe in Jesus and the work of reconciliation He did by dying on the cross of Calvary. Tell the Lord you know you are a sinner and that you have sinned against him. Ask Him to forgive your sins, that you will never sin anymore, ask the Lord to write your name in the lamb's book of life and accept you into His kingdom". I was balling my eyes out through out but I felt so much relief after, it was as if a load was taken off my chest. I kept crying throughout for two reasons;the depth of the heart of man and its cruetly and because of the depth of God’s love who freely forgives. I felt relieved instantly! Kike was truly happy for me, she hugged me and wiped my tears away. She told me she would recommend a church as well as books that could help me grow in my new faith. She also said I should read my bible daily and spend time with God.
As I returned home that afternoon, I was very happy. Folami was surprised at the sudden change when I got back home. He wondered where I went and what happened. I told him about my encounter and that I had given my life to Christ, he said he was happy for me if that was what made me happy. As I settled to prepare dinner, I saw the pile of mails and there was the mail from the walk-in clinic... It was as if I saw a ghost, I managed to finish dinner and hid inside the washroom to check the result...I was panic stricken, unsure of what it contained, then I let out a scream. Folami came knocking on the door and I told him I was fine. I read the result over and over again, are my eyes deceiving me? Omowonuola is Folami's son! I burst into tears again because God was giving me another chance totally undeserved, indeed He is a merciful God! I freshen up and went out to see Folami and Wonuola playing. I found my way to church on Sunday, everything seemed different and new but I was determined to seek and serve this God who has cleaned up my mess so mercifully. I have to live with the guilt of what I did and hopefully one day I will learn to forgive myself. I do not know how to relate with Kike, I am not going to tell her, I do not want to ruin her home neither mine. I do not know what I would have done if the child was Tope's, it would have been real devastating for me. It is just so hard to figure all this out.
Blessed beyond a curse!.
Life continued as usual and Omowonuola continued to grow, he is such a fun to watch through every stage of development. I was really happy seeing how lucky I have been. It has been one whole year and Wonuola will be turning one soon. I was planning his birthday bash and decided to go to the party store to check out his favourite Disney character for the party (Mickey Mouse). I was in the balloon aisle and for a strange reason I could sense someone staring at me. I looked up but I told myself my eyes were playing tricks on me. In the adjacent aisle to me was a gentleman with his wife and three boys. Unsure of whether the guy saw me or not, I told the cashier I was going to return to negotiate a better rate for the balloons. To my heels I took, I literally ran out of the store. My heart was racing and I wanted to just go back home, it can not be true or real... I hurriedly left the store but on getting to the car, I noticed I had left my phone at the cash registered where I was taking pictures of some balloon arrangements... Arrrggggg!!! What am I going to do now? I had to get my phone before someone else walks away with it. As I walked back into the store with Wonuola in his stroller, the guy was heading out and held the door for me, yes, it was Tope... I wanted to turn back and run but that would be too obvious. I smiled as he walked up to my son and I, his wife and children were with him. "Look who is here", he teasingly said, I managed a nervous smile. Tope introduced his amiable wife and lovely boys to me and I introduced my son to them, I told them it was a pleasure meeting them. My heart was racing and Tope bent down to look at Wonuola, "hi young man, you are as cute as a button". I was really getting uncomfortable but did not know what to say or do, I just kept smiling in a sheepish manner.
Wonuola bailed me out as he started crying, "he must be hot I said, I need to leave. Kike, Tope's wife came over and said, "let me pick him up and sing for him, anyone would get cranky if strapped in a stroller in this hot weather". She smiled and unbuckled Wonuola. We went into the store and started strolling through the aisles. I did not bargain for this and this was getting too close for comfort. I picked up my phone and thanked the cashier and said goodbye, all this while I avoided saying anything to Tope. Tope said out loud to no one in particular "I need to check one more thing in the hardware isle". Kike invited me over to their hotel room the next day. I refused but she told me they were going to be around for another 2 weeks and I could bring Wonuola to play with her boys. She asked if I would like to give her my number, to that I could not say no, I gave it to her and she said it would be nice to chat with me. I said good bye to her and her boys, told her to say hello to Tope.
All the way home, I was feeling very guilty; she was the sweetest woman I have met in a long time. I might just consider myself dead if she ever discovers that I had an affair with her husband! How on earth do I explain this to myself? I can actually hear my mother say something like this "Doyinsola, how could you, that is greed, theft and adultery all rolled up in one, where did you get that trait from?". I was so sad, without anyone saying a word to me, I could hear voices in my head. A thought just flashed through my mind, "could Wonuola be Tope's son?". I am dead, so dead.... My heart was racing and myriads of questions were going through my mind "Who do I share this with?, I felt I was loosing my mind, what was he doing in Houston, that mall especially?. Why was his wife being unduly nice to me? Were they out to get me? Why did his wife invite me to their hotel room? Were they up to something? I pulled up in front of the house and my husband was out there, he asked what the matter was with me and I said I was not feeling too fine. He took our son out of the car seat and brought him inside tossing him up and kissing him.
Fatherhood has introduced me to a different side to Folami, he is just totally in love with his son and I. As I watched the two of them, I thought to myself, "I should get a DNA test done". How will I do that without our family doctor? What would be the excuse for having a DNA test? I need to get a grip I told myself. Later that evening, my phone rang, and sure thing, it was Kike calling. I wasn't sure what to talk to her about but she was. She asked what I do for a living, about books I have read and so on. Then she told me she wanted to tell me about the love of God. "Please, no born again stuff, I do not belong to that camp", I said to myself. She went on and said something like; "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God". My heart was racing, did she know something? Was she trying to get a message across subtly?" Why is she tormenting me with the things she is saying? Well, at the end of our conversation, I thanked her and wanted to hang up without saying anything. She said, "Doyinsola, is there anything you want to ask or say?" I was upset, why should I have to say anything to you? I do not owe you any explanation so what are you talking about?" I was beginning to raise my voice.
Kike said as calmly as possible "Doyinsola, I am not asking you to make any confession, I was just asking if you wanted to ask anything about our discussion, I mean about knowing the Lord Jesus Christ more intimately". I was embarrassed and ashamed all at once. The guilty will always be afraid... Sorry Kike, I have to go and I hung up the phone. I was crying, nothing could console me. The problem was that I was not sure why I was crying I wanted to know more about this love of God, why would God love me with the atrocity I have committed? I cried and cried, The thoughts going on in my head was about my discussion with Kike and some of the things she said. If only this God has the slightest idea of what I have done and even Kike, am sure she will personally ask God to through me into the hottest part of hell... Folami was confused, unsure of what to say or how to make me feel better. I decided to go to a walk in clinic.
I felt so sad and it was bordering on depression. The most difficult aspect of it all is that I could not confide in anyone. Nothing anyone said to me made sense. I was experiencing a pain in my heart that no medication could treat, then after a week of suffering, I decided to call Kike, we exchanged greetings and she apologized for our last misunderstanding. I told her it was alright but I wanted to meet with her where we would be able to discuss at length. We decided to meet at a coffee store not too far from their hotel room. I told her about how I had been feeling since our last discussion, opening the scriptures to me, she told me about the love of God, the doom of sinners and the promise of eternal life to those who would believe in Jesus. I asked her what I needed to do to which she responded; "Doyinsola, with the heart man believes unto righteousness and with the mouth confesses unto eternal life. you only have to confess that you believe in Jesus and the work of reconciliation He did by dying on the cross of Calvary. Tell the Lord you know you are a sinner and that you have sinned against him. Ask Him to forgive your sins, that you will never sin anymore, ask the Lord to write your name in the lamb's book of life and accept you into His kingdom". I was balling my eyes out through out but I felt so much relief after, it was as if a load was taken off my chest. I kept crying throughout for two reasons;the depth of the heart of man and its cruetly and because of the depth of God’s love who freely forgives. I felt relieved instantly! Kike was truly happy for me, she hugged me and wiped my tears away. She told me she would recommend a church as well as books that could help me grow in my new faith. She also said I should read my bible daily and spend time with God.
As I returned home that afternoon, I was very happy. Folami was surprised at the sudden change when I got back home. He wondered where I went and what happened. I told him about my encounter and that I had given my life to Christ, he said he was happy for me if that was what made me happy. As I settled to prepare dinner, I saw the pile of mails and there was the mail from the walk-in clinic... It was as if I saw a ghost, I managed to finish dinner and hid inside the washroom to check the result...I was panic stricken, unsure of what it contained, then I let out a scream. Folami came knocking on the door and I told him I was fine. I read the result over and over again, are my eyes deceiving me? Omowonuola is Folami's son! I burst into tears again because God was giving me another chance totally undeserved, indeed He is a merciful God! I freshen up and went out to see Folami and Wonuola playing. I found my way to church on Sunday, everything seemed different and new but I was determined to seek and serve this God who has cleaned up my mess so mercifully. I have to live with the guilt of what I did and hopefully one day I will learn to forgive myself. I do not know how to relate with Kike, I am not going to tell her, I do not want to ruin her home neither mine. I do not know what I would have done if the child was Tope's, it would have been real devastating for me. It is just so hard to figure all this out.
I do not
feel I have won, neither do I feel like I got away with anything. Rather I see
the mercy of God,I see His love and His ability to make the best out of every
situation. I would not suggest that anyone take this route, you may think it is
fast and it gets you to where you are going but I indeed feel like I have
gravel in my mouth at the thought of my wickedness. Hmmm,
“the gift of God makes rich and adds no sorrow”. The only thing on my mind is:
"why did I not wait for God to do what He was going to do anyway"?
Why did I think I could help or assist God to bring to pass His plans for my
life? It has been three months since I gave my life to Christ and surely, it has been worth it and am enjoying my growth and basking in the love of God.
Every time man attempts to assist God, he only manages to successfully
create a mess. Waiting is never fun but if only we can develop and acquire the
virtue of patience. Tell that to a woman who has been married without a child.
With God all things are possible, so I choose to wait till He makes me praise
in the earth and cause my glory to ring out. Our culture hounds and terrifies a woman who is trusting God for the fruit of the womb. As Christians, let us not discuss or try to find a reason why a woman has not been able to conceive but rather let us help them by praying and reminding God to bring His promise to pass in their lives. He has said none shall be barren...
I hope you have been blessed by this. I need to mention that this is more than my imagination, the theme is true and real but I have been able to adjust it by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit....
I hope you have been blessed by this. I need to mention that this is more than my imagination, the theme is true and real but I have been able to adjust it by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit....
A couple of questions:
i) What should Doyinsola do as a new Christan: should she tell her husband about her affair with Tope?
ii)If Tope decides to be vindictive and tells his wife, how would you react if you were Kike?
i) What should Doyinsola do as a new Christan: should she tell her husband about her affair with Tope?
ii)If Tope decides to be vindictive and tells his wife, how would you react if you were Kike?
I welcome
your comments on this blog so that anyone who visits can be blessed by your
insightful contributions.
Blessed beyond a curse!.
New Wine - September 22,2012
We had our second meeting on Saturday Sept. 22, 2012 and it was a blessing. We had worship, word and hands on interractive session. It was quite refreshing. A few points from the word shared.
Wine: fermented grape juice containing varying percentage of
alcohol together with ethers and esters that give it boquet and flavour.
Text:Mark 2:22 NKJV
“ And no man putteth new wine
into old bottles: else the new wine doth burst the bottles, and the wine is
spilled, and the bottles will be marred: but new wine must be put into new
bottles”.
Quick
Points
Old wine represents:
·
Human effort
·
Disappoints
·
Runs out and embarrasses
at crucial moments
·
Displays inadequacies
·
Generational knowledge
·
Connotes constant
struggle and strife
·
Rigidity/Stagnation
·
Containment
When taken in excess, makes you:
·
Drunk :power, control, lording it over the other
party, sex as a weapon, take undue advantage of your partner
·
Abusive: blinds you to reality, financial ,emotional,
psychological to prove a point and slight
·
Destructive: anger, vendetta
·
Self centred : me, myself and I
·
Warp concept and perception of what marriage
relationship really is.
New Wine- Goal of Harvest: your relationship
- Blessings: Judges 9:13, Is.65:8, Jn2:5-10
- Entertaining; rejoices, unifies, conversations,
- Faith: seeing, beyond the ordinary (your home shouldn’t be defined by what you see currently but on what you can call into existence based on your faith),
- Trust :key requirement to know if God has given you a man/woman he knows that he is right for you and will give you a glorious end
- Willingness/Openness: evolution, integration of new ideas,
- Flexibility: learning continually, gaining insight and freshness from different quarters.
New wine only thrives where you allow Jesus to pilot your
plane, you may not have all the answers but you are willing to go the long haul
with him. Do away with the old; culture of destruction and limitation. Allow
the new; progress, improvement and fulfilment. Jesus is Lord!
Wednesday 19 September 2012
Stolen Waters (Part 2)
It is interesting how easy it is for us to relate to stories...I do hope you have been blessed by this so far. As I started the second part of this story, the following scripture came to mind:
Psalms 74:20 NKJV
"Have respect unto the covenant: for the dark places of the earth are full of the habitations of cruelty"
The last chat we had on Friday was for 3 hours, Folami was away, he had a conference in another state and was not returning till Monday the next week. Well, lets just say, I camped in front of the computer, ate, breakfast, lunch and dinner right in front of the computer. Tope too was home alone his wife had gone away for the weekend to attend a function, she is not likely to return till Sunday afternoon. The cat was away and the mouse could play... Facebook seems to be the best thing that has happened to me in recent times. Tope and I were together and we had gotten so comfortable with each other, we were joking and flirting like two high school students. It felt naughtily nice...Well, the weekend was over and life resumed back to normal, Folami was back home, Tope's wife returned and that limited the amount of time we could spend together, we were only talking for 30minutes and that made me really miserable, I could not do any chatting at work too, weekends, especially Friday evening were my favorite times. There was so much tension on me and I knew it was because I could not talk to Tope during the week. Fridays are reserved for me because his wife is one of those Friday night away from home women, she was born again and she had to be in church. It worked perfectly for me because I had ample time to spend with Tope. Folami on the other hand could be in his study for hours, working on his research. Tope and I were having a time of ourlives without much disturbance. The only hitch is that we really can not meet up, we were separated by thousands of miles.
Monday morning came with its usual hustle and bustle, I met my boss in the elevator and he told me he wanted to meet with me after his 9am meeting. Keith motioned for me to come in at 1015am and he said "Doyin, we need some help in Nigeria, we have an opportunity to explore and who would be able to better handle this than our Nigerian Doyin? he smiled broadly as he said this. Keith told me about a three week project in Nigeria, my company wanted me to explore the opportunity of partnering with a pharmaceutical company in Nigeria!. He wanted to know if I am willing to go and represent the company... "Three loaded weeks in Nigeria" I exclaimed in my head, then I remembered I had to pretend it was for the good of the company. "Seriously"? "I feigned surprise. "Well, it is what it is Keith, how soon will I be leaving I asked". I was hoping you could do a Friday trip so you have enough time to settle in Abuja before starting work on Monday", he chirped. That is fine, I will clear my desk as much as I can Keith. I left his office hardly able to contain my excitement and joy. I am going to be away for 3 weeks!!! Three whole,loaded weeks! I came home jumped on my bed like a kid, I was excited.
I told Folami I was going away for 3 weeks and he did not quite mind because he too had a couple of conferences to attend. He assumed I was going to stay at his parents' house. I just could not be bothered about anything, I needed to get to Nigeria. I called Tope to let him know and he was on cloud 9 when I told him I was coming to Nigeria. Our plane touched down in Abuja on the evening of Saturday, Tope was at the airport to meet me, even though he lives in Lagos, he came to pick me up himself. He was looking so trendy and cute, I felt butterflies in my stomach and he gave me a big hug, we kissed and stood there in excitement. "I can't believe this is happening" I exclaimed. "Baby, you look so beautiful, almost edible, better than uni days! so good to see you" he said.
We checked in to the Nicon Noga Hilton and the weekend was second best to my honeymoon. The first night I felt guilty, I do not know why but I just did not feel good about myself, "how could I cheat on Folami?" I asked myself. By the second and third night there was no guilt feeling anymore, Tope and I said we were meant to be together otherwise how do you explain this chemistry after 15years of being apart? I resumed work on Monday and the next three weeks Tope would pick me up for dates, he took me to the best club in Abuja and it all felt great. Everyday was extremely romantic and I just could not think about having life otherwise. Time fled by real fast and it was almost time to go back to the States. I made it a point of duty to call Folami twice a week that way there will be no gap in our communication.
The night before I left Nigeria, Tope was with me in my hotel room and I had to do something to break our relationship, he had said something in the afternoon that I was going to hold against him, he said, "honey, you look fat in this suit". It was an innocent comment but I made a mountain out of it and he could not understand. I told him I found it disrespectful that he would call me fat and it did not matter what he said I was "upset". We parted on a sour note, he looked so sad and the look on his face made me feel so guilty because he looked dejected.
My trip had been successful, my boss will be happy with my response from Nigeria and I have to put a report together once I get to Houston. On getting home, I was all over my husband telling him how much I had missed him and he was all over me as well, he had set up the house with flowers, and it is as if he just learnt a few things about being romantic, I was happy to be back home in the warm embrace of my husband. We seem to be experiencing another phase in our relationship, a rekindling... distance sure makes the heart grow fonder. Folami told me what his Mum was suggesting to him, finding another girl who will carry on the lineage. He said he knows I will bear his children and no other woman. My heart was cut, I felt very guilty knowing what I had been up to in the last three weeks during my last trip to Abuja. Folami said his vacation was coming up and he wanted us to tour Europe for 10days. I did not have any problems with my boss about getting approval, in no time we were on our way to Paris. I had so much fun, we had such a great time together sight seeing and I could barely wait to be back in Houston to tell Evelyn all about it.
We resumed life as usual, work, work and an intsy bit of socialization here and there. It has been 7 weeks since I returned from Nigeria/Paris, I felt quite sick but I thought I must have picked a bug, it was so bad that I had to go and see my family doctor, well, the pregnancy test confirmed that I was pregnant. Folami wanted to die with excitement. He wanted to call his Mum right away but I objected, I told him I needed to feel better before we inform anyone. It was such a great experience as I was being pampered right, left and center. Folami wrote out a list of names, he called in an interior decorator to start decorating one of the rooms for the baby. He was just beside himself with excitement. I too was really happy, I had a very safe pregnancy and delivered a bouncing baby boy, Grandpa and Grandma Fesobi came in for the naming ceremony and gave the baby these names: Oladiran, Omowonuola, Omofolarin Fesobi. My parents were excited and Mummy volunteered to come for the first 6weeks to assist me with child care. Finally life is perfect.
As I settled to my role as a new mother, I was home away from work and I posted some pictures on facebook, Tope was one of the first to comment, but I did not want to have anything to do with Tope anymore, he belongs in my past and that's where I want to keep him. He sent me messages via facebook, he called a number of times and I decided to change my number. Tope wrote series of facebook messages telling me how I intend to ruin his life, he was already thinking about a life with me after my trip to Nigeria and all that. I knew I was heading for deep waters if I still maintain any link with him, he has my secret and will blackmail me to have his way. He told me he wanted to keep what we had going alive and it will not affect our marriages. How do I do that? I can't do that but he has refused to reason with anyone. I closed my facebook account, opened a new one under a different name but refused to add Tope as a friend. (To be continued)...
Psalms 74:20 NKJV
"Have respect unto the covenant: for the dark places of the earth are full of the habitations of cruelty"
The last chat we had on Friday was for 3 hours, Folami was away, he had a conference in another state and was not returning till Monday the next week. Well, lets just say, I camped in front of the computer, ate, breakfast, lunch and dinner right in front of the computer. Tope too was home alone his wife had gone away for the weekend to attend a function, she is not likely to return till Sunday afternoon. The cat was away and the mouse could play... Facebook seems to be the best thing that has happened to me in recent times. Tope and I were together and we had gotten so comfortable with each other, we were joking and flirting like two high school students. It felt naughtily nice...Well, the weekend was over and life resumed back to normal, Folami was back home, Tope's wife returned and that limited the amount of time we could spend together, we were only talking for 30minutes and that made me really miserable, I could not do any chatting at work too, weekends, especially Friday evening were my favorite times. There was so much tension on me and I knew it was because I could not talk to Tope during the week. Fridays are reserved for me because his wife is one of those Friday night away from home women, she was born again and she had to be in church. It worked perfectly for me because I had ample time to spend with Tope. Folami on the other hand could be in his study for hours, working on his research. Tope and I were having a time of ourlives without much disturbance. The only hitch is that we really can not meet up, we were separated by thousands of miles.
Monday morning came with its usual hustle and bustle, I met my boss in the elevator and he told me he wanted to meet with me after his 9am meeting. Keith motioned for me to come in at 1015am and he said "Doyin, we need some help in Nigeria, we have an opportunity to explore and who would be able to better handle this than our Nigerian Doyin? he smiled broadly as he said this. Keith told me about a three week project in Nigeria, my company wanted me to explore the opportunity of partnering with a pharmaceutical company in Nigeria!. He wanted to know if I am willing to go and represent the company... "Three loaded weeks in Nigeria" I exclaimed in my head, then I remembered I had to pretend it was for the good of the company. "Seriously"? "I feigned surprise. "Well, it is what it is Keith, how soon will I be leaving I asked". I was hoping you could do a Friday trip so you have enough time to settle in Abuja before starting work on Monday", he chirped. That is fine, I will clear my desk as much as I can Keith. I left his office hardly able to contain my excitement and joy. I am going to be away for 3 weeks!!! Three whole,loaded weeks! I came home jumped on my bed like a kid, I was excited.
I told Folami I was going away for 3 weeks and he did not quite mind because he too had a couple of conferences to attend. He assumed I was going to stay at his parents' house. I just could not be bothered about anything, I needed to get to Nigeria. I called Tope to let him know and he was on cloud 9 when I told him I was coming to Nigeria. Our plane touched down in Abuja on the evening of Saturday, Tope was at the airport to meet me, even though he lives in Lagos, he came to pick me up himself. He was looking so trendy and cute, I felt butterflies in my stomach and he gave me a big hug, we kissed and stood there in excitement. "I can't believe this is happening" I exclaimed. "Baby, you look so beautiful, almost edible, better than uni days! so good to see you" he said.
We checked in to the Nicon Noga Hilton and the weekend was second best to my honeymoon. The first night I felt guilty, I do not know why but I just did not feel good about myself, "how could I cheat on Folami?" I asked myself. By the second and third night there was no guilt feeling anymore, Tope and I said we were meant to be together otherwise how do you explain this chemistry after 15years of being apart? I resumed work on Monday and the next three weeks Tope would pick me up for dates, he took me to the best club in Abuja and it all felt great. Everyday was extremely romantic and I just could not think about having life otherwise. Time fled by real fast and it was almost time to go back to the States. I made it a point of duty to call Folami twice a week that way there will be no gap in our communication.
The night before I left Nigeria, Tope was with me in my hotel room and I had to do something to break our relationship, he had said something in the afternoon that I was going to hold against him, he said, "honey, you look fat in this suit". It was an innocent comment but I made a mountain out of it and he could not understand. I told him I found it disrespectful that he would call me fat and it did not matter what he said I was "upset". We parted on a sour note, he looked so sad and the look on his face made me feel so guilty because he looked dejected.
My trip had been successful, my boss will be happy with my response from Nigeria and I have to put a report together once I get to Houston. On getting home, I was all over my husband telling him how much I had missed him and he was all over me as well, he had set up the house with flowers, and it is as if he just learnt a few things about being romantic, I was happy to be back home in the warm embrace of my husband. We seem to be experiencing another phase in our relationship, a rekindling... distance sure makes the heart grow fonder. Folami told me what his Mum was suggesting to him, finding another girl who will carry on the lineage. He said he knows I will bear his children and no other woman. My heart was cut, I felt very guilty knowing what I had been up to in the last three weeks during my last trip to Abuja. Folami said his vacation was coming up and he wanted us to tour Europe for 10days. I did not have any problems with my boss about getting approval, in no time we were on our way to Paris. I had so much fun, we had such a great time together sight seeing and I could barely wait to be back in Houston to tell Evelyn all about it.
We resumed life as usual, work, work and an intsy bit of socialization here and there. It has been 7 weeks since I returned from Nigeria/Paris, I felt quite sick but I thought I must have picked a bug, it was so bad that I had to go and see my family doctor, well, the pregnancy test confirmed that I was pregnant. Folami wanted to die with excitement. He wanted to call his Mum right away but I objected, I told him I needed to feel better before we inform anyone. It was such a great experience as I was being pampered right, left and center. Folami wrote out a list of names, he called in an interior decorator to start decorating one of the rooms for the baby. He was just beside himself with excitement. I too was really happy, I had a very safe pregnancy and delivered a bouncing baby boy, Grandpa and Grandma Fesobi came in for the naming ceremony and gave the baby these names: Oladiran, Omowonuola, Omofolarin Fesobi. My parents were excited and Mummy volunteered to come for the first 6weeks to assist me with child care. Finally life is perfect.
As I settled to my role as a new mother, I was home away from work and I posted some pictures on facebook, Tope was one of the first to comment, but I did not want to have anything to do with Tope anymore, he belongs in my past and that's where I want to keep him. He sent me messages via facebook, he called a number of times and I decided to change my number. Tope wrote series of facebook messages telling me how I intend to ruin his life, he was already thinking about a life with me after my trip to Nigeria and all that. I knew I was heading for deep waters if I still maintain any link with him, he has my secret and will blackmail me to have his way. He told me he wanted to keep what we had going alive and it will not affect our marriages. How do I do that? I can't do that but he has refused to reason with anyone. I closed my facebook account, opened a new one under a different name but refused to add Tope as a friend. (To be continued)...
Stolen Water (Part 1)
I was
hurrying home after my meeting with my director to break the good news to my
husband, as I sat on the bus, it felt as if time was creeping and not moving, I
could scarcely contain my excitement. My company had just gone through a
restructuring, some people were let go, others were transferred but I got a
promotion! It was not just any ordinary promotion, I finished my Project
Management course and I had my very first challenge. I had worked on
several projects within the company but never as a PM. This feels good! The pay
was way beyond what I could have boldly negotiated, life is good!
I am a 36 year old woman that is a perfect description of success, I finished my first degree at age 21 with honors, I immediately went for my Masters Degree because my father belongs to the school of thought that every illiterate has a degree now. So for me to prove that I have accomplished something academically, I had to finish my post graduate program. By the time I was done, I got a job with one American pharmaceutical company and I was very happy. There was a component of my job that involves traveling and I loved it, it made my job too good to be true.
It was during one of the conferences that I attended in the states that I met my husband, "walking brains"... extremely brilliant. He made a presentation at the conference and it would be pride not to let him know how excellently well he made his points. He speaks "Queens English", he reminds me of Professor Wole Soyinka, Nobel Laurent from our great mother land. When I went to talk to him, he had a charming smile and said, are you from out of town to which I smiled and nodded, he said please do not hurry away, I would like to talk to you. Well, from that conversation one thing led to another, I enjoy his company, his manners and his quiet nature and well, the rest is history, I am now Mrs Doyinsola Fesobi. Folami Fesobi is an only child of very successful parents, the story of his parents is quite encouraging, it is the story of 'rags to riches'.
Folami is a very focused and determined guy, he has not allowed his parents' success to distract him from accomplishing his own purpose in life. He would often quote a Chinese proverb; "No matter how tall your father is, you still have to do your own growing up". This is his natural response whenever anyone tells him he is heir to an inheritance and he does not need to work as hard as he does. Folami's parents love him and because he is brilliant, charming and well mannered, they believe his wife should not only be beautiful and very well mannered but out of this world! His mother will often say, "Folami is a well brought up child and he himself has added value to his own life, only the best is good for him". He had told me how his mother scrutinizes every girl that hangs out with him. She has a lot of say in his life...
I have just been lucky with Folami's parents and they probably transfer their love for their son to me. We have been married for 51/2 years and we are yet to have a baby. His mother had been very understanding the first couple of years, but right now, she seems to hate me. The last time we met at Daddy's birthday (Folami's Dad) she had called me into the study and told me a few harsh words "Doyinsola, I would like to beg you if I have offended you in anyway, I would give you whatever you want but please, I must not die without seeing my grand children". You need to leave your job, so your body can relax and accommodate a baby, you have been a career woman, running after what I do not know. I do not pray that my labour be in vain, it is important that you listen so that you can have children. But in case you want to choose your career over what is important to Daddy and I, I want you to know that you are not the only girl who can give us a grand child through Folami".
I knelt down and said "sorry ma, thank you', not sure of how to describe my feelings at the moment. I was upset, sad and confused, I did not bargain for this kind of life where I will have to be 'looking for a child'. All my life I have never had to look or struggle for anything. I have always had what I wanted, I am successful and so is my husband but this lack in our lives is beyond what either of us can handle. Folami noticed the change in my disposition but refused to ask me any question, he probably had guessed that his Mum "had a word with me". What did Mum mean when she said "you are not the only who can give us a grand child through Folami"? " I do hope this woman is not trying to sow any wicked seed in my husband" I thought. I became afraid all of a sudden, I have never known my self to be a worry wart but my world would crash if I just look on and do not figure out something. I cried myself to sleep that night but I knew I had to do more than that.
The following morning I heard Folami's phone ring, he picked it up and said "Mummy, I said I will handle that,, bye" and he hung up. We were experiencing our own tension and his mother was not making things any easy... we left the house and did not say a single word to each other throughout the forty five minutes drive to work. I got to my office and was totally distracted. After work, Evelyn and I met for our book club meeting, every Thursday, about 6 of us meet at a Restaurant, each person brings a book they have read and recommend it to the group, we choose 2 that we will read for the month and share the lessons and thrill from the books.
After the meeting, Evelyn asked what the matter was with me as I was not my usual self. Evelyn and I have been friends for over 10years, at a time we were room mates. She knows so much about me and I about her, she understands me perfectly well to the point of being able to read me like a book. I spoke with her after the meeting and she was so sorry for me. I decided to pick up some items for dinner at a grocery store, I got home fixed dinner and went to bed early. Folami was sitting in front of the television when I got home and I could tell that he would not want to be disturbed as his favourite team was playing soccer that night. I told him dinner was served and went to bed. Gradually we were experiencing emotional strain in our relationship and for the most part, we just eat together at dinner time and that was it. Folami would opt for conferences sometimes two weeks at a stretch! I was getting resentful about not being able to have a child and I was getting desperate.
I woke up to use the washroom and discovered that my i-phone was not charged, I plugged it in but saw that there were email messages for me. On checking my messages I found a friend request from facebook, the name looked familiar and I decided to check it out, needless to say I was on facebook for another 11/2hours checking out pictures and profiles. By the time I went back bed it was already 0310hours in the morning. I knew I probably should call early to inform my boss that I was going to work from home. My boss found it unusual that I would work from home on a Tuesday to which I responded I didnt want to call in sick but I needed some rest.
My friend whose request I responded to on facebook was an old friend, a good friend I went to high school and university with. He is the CEO of a very successful company, he is now an architect.Tope did not look like a serious guy when we were in school but he has polished up himself and seems to be doing well. We chatted for a while and exchanged numbers, he has a beautiful family, a pretty wife and 3 boys. They are very close in age and they were all dressed the same way. I looked at each picture on his page and could see contentment and happiness. "Who would not be content with a family like this"? I seem to mutter to myself. I did not do too much office work that day, I responded to emails, gave my boss the agenda for our meeting for Thursday and that was it. My mind was really preoccupied it was not even funny.
Folami came back from work and was surprised that I was home, I told him I worked from home, I set dinner on the table and we both ate in silence. I am beginning to get uncomfortable with the silence that we operate in these days but really, there was nothing much to talk about. I was surprised that Folami could not stand up to his Mum the last time she said those harsh words to me, I am not sure what she is asking him to do but I have been around long enough to know his Mum is up to something...The single ding from my phone everytime I have a new message or email was very audible, I didnt want to check immediately, I wanted to be sure I had enough time to check and respond to the message. So after dinner, I cleared up the table, cleaned and went to my room.
I logged on to facebook only to find out that Tope had sent me 6 messages... I checked and responded to his last message and then saw him log on. We talked for a long time and time seemed to freeze. Then I asked him how old his boys were and he told me 6, 5 and 4. I exclaimed, to which he responded, "you know me.... am an action man"! I laughed. He told me he loves the sound of my laughter, he asked if I was still as beautiful as university days, I told him he has to be the judge of that. Tope asked me if I had a webcam, I said 'no", he asked if I could get one because he wanted to see my face whenever we chatted. I found that flattering and lo and behold I went to get a webcam. Since then we would chat for long hours, sometimes 3 or 4 hours, I just noticed that the world around me did not matter anymore, Tope and I can not remember why we severed our relationship in University. We had such an enviable relationship that most of our friends were sure we were going to get married. Tope works out and the last time we chatted he had just came in from the gym, his biceps are "to die for"... He looks so, my goodness!!! I found myself daydreaming about when we were together in university and how much great times we had together!!!.
To be continued...
I am a 36 year old woman that is a perfect description of success, I finished my first degree at age 21 with honors, I immediately went for my Masters Degree because my father belongs to the school of thought that every illiterate has a degree now. So for me to prove that I have accomplished something academically, I had to finish my post graduate program. By the time I was done, I got a job with one American pharmaceutical company and I was very happy. There was a component of my job that involves traveling and I loved it, it made my job too good to be true.
It was during one of the conferences that I attended in the states that I met my husband, "walking brains"... extremely brilliant. He made a presentation at the conference and it would be pride not to let him know how excellently well he made his points. He speaks "Queens English", he reminds me of Professor Wole Soyinka, Nobel Laurent from our great mother land. When I went to talk to him, he had a charming smile and said, are you from out of town to which I smiled and nodded, he said please do not hurry away, I would like to talk to you. Well, from that conversation one thing led to another, I enjoy his company, his manners and his quiet nature and well, the rest is history, I am now Mrs Doyinsola Fesobi. Folami Fesobi is an only child of very successful parents, the story of his parents is quite encouraging, it is the story of 'rags to riches'.
Folami is a very focused and determined guy, he has not allowed his parents' success to distract him from accomplishing his own purpose in life. He would often quote a Chinese proverb; "No matter how tall your father is, you still have to do your own growing up". This is his natural response whenever anyone tells him he is heir to an inheritance and he does not need to work as hard as he does. Folami's parents love him and because he is brilliant, charming and well mannered, they believe his wife should not only be beautiful and very well mannered but out of this world! His mother will often say, "Folami is a well brought up child and he himself has added value to his own life, only the best is good for him". He had told me how his mother scrutinizes every girl that hangs out with him. She has a lot of say in his life...
I have just been lucky with Folami's parents and they probably transfer their love for their son to me. We have been married for 51/2 years and we are yet to have a baby. His mother had been very understanding the first couple of years, but right now, she seems to hate me. The last time we met at Daddy's birthday (Folami's Dad) she had called me into the study and told me a few harsh words "Doyinsola, I would like to beg you if I have offended you in anyway, I would give you whatever you want but please, I must not die without seeing my grand children". You need to leave your job, so your body can relax and accommodate a baby, you have been a career woman, running after what I do not know. I do not pray that my labour be in vain, it is important that you listen so that you can have children. But in case you want to choose your career over what is important to Daddy and I, I want you to know that you are not the only girl who can give us a grand child through Folami".
I knelt down and said "sorry ma, thank you', not sure of how to describe my feelings at the moment. I was upset, sad and confused, I did not bargain for this kind of life where I will have to be 'looking for a child'. All my life I have never had to look or struggle for anything. I have always had what I wanted, I am successful and so is my husband but this lack in our lives is beyond what either of us can handle. Folami noticed the change in my disposition but refused to ask me any question, he probably had guessed that his Mum "had a word with me". What did Mum mean when she said "you are not the only who can give us a grand child through Folami"? " I do hope this woman is not trying to sow any wicked seed in my husband" I thought. I became afraid all of a sudden, I have never known my self to be a worry wart but my world would crash if I just look on and do not figure out something. I cried myself to sleep that night but I knew I had to do more than that.
The following morning I heard Folami's phone ring, he picked it up and said "Mummy, I said I will handle that,, bye" and he hung up. We were experiencing our own tension and his mother was not making things any easy... we left the house and did not say a single word to each other throughout the forty five minutes drive to work. I got to my office and was totally distracted. After work, Evelyn and I met for our book club meeting, every Thursday, about 6 of us meet at a Restaurant, each person brings a book they have read and recommend it to the group, we choose 2 that we will read for the month and share the lessons and thrill from the books.
After the meeting, Evelyn asked what the matter was with me as I was not my usual self. Evelyn and I have been friends for over 10years, at a time we were room mates. She knows so much about me and I about her, she understands me perfectly well to the point of being able to read me like a book. I spoke with her after the meeting and she was so sorry for me. I decided to pick up some items for dinner at a grocery store, I got home fixed dinner and went to bed early. Folami was sitting in front of the television when I got home and I could tell that he would not want to be disturbed as his favourite team was playing soccer that night. I told him dinner was served and went to bed. Gradually we were experiencing emotional strain in our relationship and for the most part, we just eat together at dinner time and that was it. Folami would opt for conferences sometimes two weeks at a stretch! I was getting resentful about not being able to have a child and I was getting desperate.
I woke up to use the washroom and discovered that my i-phone was not charged, I plugged it in but saw that there were email messages for me. On checking my messages I found a friend request from facebook, the name looked familiar and I decided to check it out, needless to say I was on facebook for another 11/2hours checking out pictures and profiles. By the time I went back bed it was already 0310hours in the morning. I knew I probably should call early to inform my boss that I was going to work from home. My boss found it unusual that I would work from home on a Tuesday to which I responded I didnt want to call in sick but I needed some rest.
My friend whose request I responded to on facebook was an old friend, a good friend I went to high school and university with. He is the CEO of a very successful company, he is now an architect.Tope did not look like a serious guy when we were in school but he has polished up himself and seems to be doing well. We chatted for a while and exchanged numbers, he has a beautiful family, a pretty wife and 3 boys. They are very close in age and they were all dressed the same way. I looked at each picture on his page and could see contentment and happiness. "Who would not be content with a family like this"? I seem to mutter to myself. I did not do too much office work that day, I responded to emails, gave my boss the agenda for our meeting for Thursday and that was it. My mind was really preoccupied it was not even funny.
Folami came back from work and was surprised that I was home, I told him I worked from home, I set dinner on the table and we both ate in silence. I am beginning to get uncomfortable with the silence that we operate in these days but really, there was nothing much to talk about. I was surprised that Folami could not stand up to his Mum the last time she said those harsh words to me, I am not sure what she is asking him to do but I have been around long enough to know his Mum is up to something...The single ding from my phone everytime I have a new message or email was very audible, I didnt want to check immediately, I wanted to be sure I had enough time to check and respond to the message. So after dinner, I cleared up the table, cleaned and went to my room.
I logged on to facebook only to find out that Tope had sent me 6 messages... I checked and responded to his last message and then saw him log on. We talked for a long time and time seemed to freeze. Then I asked him how old his boys were and he told me 6, 5 and 4. I exclaimed, to which he responded, "you know me.... am an action man"! I laughed. He told me he loves the sound of my laughter, he asked if I was still as beautiful as university days, I told him he has to be the judge of that. Tope asked me if I had a webcam, I said 'no", he asked if I could get one because he wanted to see my face whenever we chatted. I found that flattering and lo and behold I went to get a webcam. Since then we would chat for long hours, sometimes 3 or 4 hours, I just noticed that the world around me did not matter anymore, Tope and I can not remember why we severed our relationship in University. We had such an enviable relationship that most of our friends were sure we were going to get married. Tope works out and the last time we chatted he had just came in from the gym, his biceps are "to die for"... He looks so, my goodness!!! I found myself daydreaming about when we were together in university and how much great times we had together!!!.
To be continued...
Thursday 13 September 2012
Not for Boys...
Marriage
is an institution ordained by God for His children to enjoy. It is intended to
be "built". It is not meant for boys or girls, rather it is meant for a man and
a woman. Boys are adventurous, they enjoy thrills and do things for the fun of
it. Girls get excited when they get attention. Adventure can not last
forever, neither does excitement because a time comes when a boy is expected to
mature and become a man and a girl a woman.
At such times, thrills and excitement do not cut it, seriousness,
long time planning, strategizing and commitment become important requirements to
face the rigour and demands of life. Do not build your future and life on
adventure,excitement or thrill, when you travel the journey of life and demands
are placed on you, you will cave in. Have you wondered why there are so many
divorce and separation taking place today? It is because men have stopped
counting the cost and they have decided to go the route of 'hit and run'.Boys
have refused to become men in their thinking and disposition and girls have
chose to be 'chics' forever. The things that are important to a chic are not the
same as are important to a woman...If a man of forty-five years of age is still caught up in running after young girls in skirts, there is a major problem. So also, if you are in your twenties as a girl and you still want to 'enjoy' yourself before settling down, you may miss your God ordained man. You can not be a lady forever...
God still places so much premium on marriage, protect and preserve
yours, if you are not married, desire to build a godly one. There is a level of preparation that is required for you to succeed in
marriage, a deep knowledge of God will give you insight into who the person you
are getting married to. If you plan and build with God without discounting the
nudging of the Holy Spirit, you will avert so great a
danger.
Luke 14:28 KJV
"For which of you, intending to
build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have
sufficient to finish it?"
Do you
have all that it takes to build a godly home? Yes, your peers are all married
with children but have you made adequate preparation? What are those things that
are always bring flaws to your relationships? Are there specific things that
individuals have complained about in the past; self centredness, anger, lack of
trust, infidelity etc? Then prayerfully check these so you can build a lasting
and happy home. No what you want and what you do not wand in your home and prayerfully structure your future. There is time for everything. If you do not want to be "tied down" now, you may be forced to tie down the wrong person when time is no longer on your side. Count the cost and make sure you have enough to finish your structure. Boys/Girls live for now, men/women plan for the future.
Shalom!
Monday 10 September 2012
Bethesda;The Pool of Mercy
I walked into my class at 0758hrs just in time for the class to start, exhaustion has become the norm; I just keep moving with the flow. It was one of the morning I wept from my overnight job to my class. I sat down, feeling dazed, tired and uninterested in my class and everything...I could use some nice sleep but I have a responsibility to pass and complete my program for a career change. I questioned why I decided to take this route, why could I just not work it out, stick to what I was doing before? Why does it have to be this hard? I questioned. Is it just my luck? I know better as a Christian that the concept of luck does not work with God. then I guess it has to be God's way of preparing me for His purpose for my life. "Lord, may my expectations not be cut short in Jesus name", I prayed silently.
Out of no where I noticed Lisa, one of the very smart kids in my class sit beside me. Did I remember to mention that I am one of the older folks in my class? Yeah, seriously? I could not have imagined in my wildest dreams some 20years ago, that I will be in class with teenagers! These kids know what the teacher wants to say before he/she can even venture to utter the words out! I would not confidently describe myself as smart at this time in my life, I just live each day;academically,spiritually and every other "lly" depending strictly on the grace and mercy of God. So, Lisa sat down and smiled at me, she said;"Good morning", I replied and managed a big smile. "I just want to let you know you encourage me a great deal, I look up to you to draw strength. I am not sure how you pull everything together and still manage a smile" she said. "Awww, that is so sweet of you Lisa, you know the Lord has always been my strength, but thanks for your kind words" I responded.
I held myself together till the end of my class and into my car, before I let down a heavy downpour of tears, I was balling my eyes out not for stress,fear or anxiety this time but because I felt the love of God anew. Indeed, I have experienced Him as "Jehovah El Roi - the God who sees me" Genesis 16:13. I was so grateful because He sent me consolation in the simplest of ways. I did not have any strength to do most of the things required,but His grace was available every step of the way. I obtained favour where others were picked on, I sailed through without a scratch! Lisa would never have an idea what the comment she made meant to me; so even in my situation God expects me to be seen as; "An Ambassador of Hope". I have to daily maintain my peace and quiet as He builds me up. I finished my program and passed well in the face of obstacles,limitations and ridicule. Blessed be the Lord God who has shown me mercy!
Does that mean I did not do anything at all to contribute to the process of attaining the goal? No, as a matter of fact, I did because God always require human participation to showcase His glory on earth. I worked my fingers to bone, burned the midnight candle and oil, denied myself some pleasures but in all God crowned my effort. I particularly have to give all credit to God because through my journey, I saw human ability fail...I saw kids who had tremendous talents but could not channel them aright, I saw people who could not give the focus and determination required to finish. There were so many reasons to give up, get discouraged but I told myself I was in it for the long haul and God, gave the sustainance,assistance and support necessary. I have a support system that kept me focussed;family,siblings,friends,real brethren and all this could have only been from God.
The story of the man by the pool - Bethesda which means pool of mercy comes to mind as I prepared to write this piece.
John 5: 2-8 NKJV
"Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, which is called in Hebrew, Bethesda, having five porches. 3 In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed, waiting for the moving of the water. 4 For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had. 5 Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”
7 The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me.”
8 Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your bed and walk.”
He had laid by the pool and his situation remained the same, he had lost touch with "mercy". When Jesus the embodiment of mercy Himself showed up, the guy was busy telling stories and explaining himself. He had been used to this by reason of time. What situation have you adjusted yourself to contrary to God's plan and purpose? Where do you need to explain why you have not progressed, or why you have not found or been found of the right man/woman? Do you always have to tell the stories of generational failure and woe? Barrenness has forced you to remember the days in Egypt when you ate garlic, cucumber and leeks. Maybe you want to mudsling because your ministry is not growing like your neigbour's and it is just so challenging. You probably have sickness of the mind that borders on insanity and "no one is willing to assist you into the water", maybe you are seen or perceived as "all that" by others but you dare not share your challenge with anyone because it will just rubbish all your accomplisments. The mercy of God will bring permanent and total healing in Jesus name.
Hebrews 13:8 NKJV "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever". As His power was in those days, it still is very much potent today! I pray that the mercy of God that neither considers background, past or ability step into your situation and effect a positive change in Jesus name. May your situation get the attention of heaven this week and may you record a testimony.
The mercy of God is His prerogative, not a function of what you do or do not. A great multitude of disabled people lay by the pool but Jesus singled this man out for a miracle, may you be singled out for your own miracle this week in Jesus name.
Shalom!
Monday 3 September 2012
The Hungry have ceased to hunger.
I just got a call about the interview I attended and I rejoiced and
praised God ceaselessly. I have attended 6 interviews and for me to get a
call without bugging this recruiters shows that indeed God has answered
my prayers, I can testify to the glory and faithfulness of the Lord.
I enjoyed my work for last five months, I worked hard, learned fast, participated in every team effort and punctuality has been my watch word. I arrived 15minutes before my start time and my boss approached me with a smile, ideas were dancing and fluttering in my head;what could this possibly mean? A promotion, interest in my career advancement, commendation arghhh! I wish I could tell from his smile...
"Do you mind coming into my office", he said as he made eye contact with me. "Sure bet", I said, I grabbed a notepad and a pen, just in case I need to write something down.... "Well, I have to commend your contribution in the last five months, Tiffany, I must tell you that everyone in this department has something positive to say about you, do keep up that positive attitude". He watched me for a few seconds and then continued, "the main reason why I called you is to let you know that we are going through some organization wide restructuring and your position is one of the affected ones, your letter is ready, please hand over your badge and any other company property over to the secretary on your way out. It has been a great pleasure working with you". He stood up and I had to do the same as I walked out of his office.
I can not remember whether I walked out of his office or crawled or walked or whatever, my world was crashing, I can not lose this job again, we were just starting to make plans about our finances since this is the only job that has lasted this long. What should I do, where do I go? I got home around 10:15am, I felt beaten down and I wept my eyes sore. Is there a curse or family problem that has not been resolved? Why do I have to come to the land of milk and honey and yet go ahungry? Others are buying big houses,cars,fine clothes and talking about investing, yet I can barely pay my rent,feed and maintain my old car. What have I done wrong and where have I missed it? I have put into practice every single virtue that a Christian is supposed to exhibit and yet what do I have to show for it? I am the prayer team leader, everyone comes to me to join them in prayer for solution, who will help me? God I am indeed in trouble!!!
I was wailing bitterly and balling my eyes out when I heard the door open, I was startled, my husband has gone to work, who has the key to the house? I opened the door to the sitting room and saw our building superintendent, "you home now"? he asked. Yes, I had to come home early today I responded. "I fix your sink today, no expect nobody home..." I forced a smile and told him I was inside the room if he needed any help. I heard my cell phone ring and reached for it in my hand bag, one of the sisters from my fellowship who works with me in the same company had heard news of termination of my appointment. Sorry Tiffany, your unit clerk told me what happened, so what are you going to do? She questioned. I do not know yet, my times are in God's hands, the whole thing is just like a bad dream and I am trusting God to show me the way to go. "Well, it is sad, that children of the kingdom are not wise". Pardon me, I said, "you heard me right my darling sister, you carry on in the company as if you are the only one who knows everything, you are on every team, you are attending every seminar and am sorry to say, what has that done to prevent you from being dumped? I can only wish you all the best, we are still here...".
Well, I looked at the phone and was not sure whether to toss it into the sink or smash it against the wall, whatever I decide to do with it will be my loss. I made to go into the bedroom when I heard the superintendent say "I finish job, if any problem call me". I could not face him, I just needed to be alone to clear my chest with some more crying. "Ms Tiffany, you know anyone looking for job?". I was glued to the spot, what is this again, is this guy going to add more insult to my injury? How low could a man fall after reaching the ground I asked in my mind?. "Ms Tiffany, my brother work in big company, he the boss and he look for hardworking person for big position". Really, I said, if I find anyone I will let you know. I was getting irritated but I did not want to show it, thank you so much Rocco. Rocco turned around and did the unexpected, "Ms, Tiffany, I give you my brother number, call him", he gestured as he wrote the number on the notepad on the refrigerator. Thank you very much and God bless you and I closed the door behind him.
I looked at the number that he scratched on my "to-do list" note pad, I shook my head because I was even entertaining the thought of calling Rocco's brother's number. The things we are willing to do when desperate!!! I asked myself if I had lost my mind to even consider calling the number a semi-illiterate gave me, what if I called and... I had to silence the doubt in me, what do I have to lose? I asked. I walked to a public pay phone and I called the number, a lady picked up the phone and I have never felt any more stupid in my entire life. I did not know Rocco's brother's name, what he did or what position he was recruiting for...I am sorry, if I have the wrong number, I was trying to reach Mr...I tried to remember Rocco's last name...Luigiano, "he is in a meeting at the moment may I take a message"? That's fine I will call back, when is he supposed to finish his meeting? He will be done by 1:30pm, the lady responded very sweetly, can I leave my number with you but I will call back, I said. She took my name and number.
I walked back home confident that I could call from my personal number. My phone was already flashing, indicating a call was waiting...Romano is Rocco's exact opposite, calm, refined, he speaks fluent English and he was the Director of Workforce planning in one of the insurance company in town. I could hardly believe when I spoke with him and he invited me over for 'a chat'. I took my resume with me and he was quite impressed, he set up an interview for the following day and sure thing, I sat in front of two women, Romano and a Human Resources manager. The interview lasted a whole hour and they promised to get back to me. I had applied for a different position but was offered a managerial position because of my experience. My remuneration blew me away! I said it must be a lie, how can this be happening? Then the Holy spirit asked me if I did not have faith when I asked the things I asked, Father forgive and help my unbelief. You still very much rule in the affairs of men!
Remember my sister who told me children of the kingdom lack wisdom, well I choose to pitch my tent with God and he has given me promotion on a platter of gold, without any need to compromise my stand or integrity, I have what God has planned for me. It is not always the packaging of the gift that matters but the content of the package. God can choose to bless you anyway He pleases and through any channel or medium He chooses. I do not need to hire myself out for bread, he has chosen to feed me till I need no more... Your challenge is possibly not your career or academics, perhaps it is the fruit of the womb or getting the bone of your bone, maybe you just need God to break the wrong family cycle that has been repeating itself, whatever it is, the power of God is able to break every yoke, destroy the counsel of the enemy and bring positive results in your situation. Do not let your heart fail you because of what you see, our God is mighty to save and He will save you.
The word of God in 1 Sam 2:5 NKJV
"Those who were full have hired themselves out for bread,
And the hungry have ceased to hunger
Even the barren has borne seven
And she who has many children has become feeble".
God will move on your behalf this week, every utterance of the enemy that challenges the might and bigness of your God will be put to shame in Jesus name. God will show up for you and your testimony will be heard. In whatever way you are hungry, you will cease to hunger in Jesus name. I love you dearly and God loves you more.
Agape!
I enjoyed my work for last five months, I worked hard, learned fast, participated in every team effort and punctuality has been my watch word. I arrived 15minutes before my start time and my boss approached me with a smile, ideas were dancing and fluttering in my head;what could this possibly mean? A promotion, interest in my career advancement, commendation arghhh! I wish I could tell from his smile...
"Do you mind coming into my office", he said as he made eye contact with me. "Sure bet", I said, I grabbed a notepad and a pen, just in case I need to write something down.... "Well, I have to commend your contribution in the last five months, Tiffany, I must tell you that everyone in this department has something positive to say about you, do keep up that positive attitude". He watched me for a few seconds and then continued, "the main reason why I called you is to let you know that we are going through some organization wide restructuring and your position is one of the affected ones, your letter is ready, please hand over your badge and any other company property over to the secretary on your way out. It has been a great pleasure working with you". He stood up and I had to do the same as I walked out of his office.
I can not remember whether I walked out of his office or crawled or walked or whatever, my world was crashing, I can not lose this job again, we were just starting to make plans about our finances since this is the only job that has lasted this long. What should I do, where do I go? I got home around 10:15am, I felt beaten down and I wept my eyes sore. Is there a curse or family problem that has not been resolved? Why do I have to come to the land of milk and honey and yet go ahungry? Others are buying big houses,cars,fine clothes and talking about investing, yet I can barely pay my rent,feed and maintain my old car. What have I done wrong and where have I missed it? I have put into practice every single virtue that a Christian is supposed to exhibit and yet what do I have to show for it? I am the prayer team leader, everyone comes to me to join them in prayer for solution, who will help me? God I am indeed in trouble!!!
I was wailing bitterly and balling my eyes out when I heard the door open, I was startled, my husband has gone to work, who has the key to the house? I opened the door to the sitting room and saw our building superintendent, "you home now"? he asked. Yes, I had to come home early today I responded. "I fix your sink today, no expect nobody home..." I forced a smile and told him I was inside the room if he needed any help. I heard my cell phone ring and reached for it in my hand bag, one of the sisters from my fellowship who works with me in the same company had heard news of termination of my appointment. Sorry Tiffany, your unit clerk told me what happened, so what are you going to do? She questioned. I do not know yet, my times are in God's hands, the whole thing is just like a bad dream and I am trusting God to show me the way to go. "Well, it is sad, that children of the kingdom are not wise". Pardon me, I said, "you heard me right my darling sister, you carry on in the company as if you are the only one who knows everything, you are on every team, you are attending every seminar and am sorry to say, what has that done to prevent you from being dumped? I can only wish you all the best, we are still here...".
Well, I looked at the phone and was not sure whether to toss it into the sink or smash it against the wall, whatever I decide to do with it will be my loss. I made to go into the bedroom when I heard the superintendent say "I finish job, if any problem call me". I could not face him, I just needed to be alone to clear my chest with some more crying. "Ms Tiffany, you know anyone looking for job?". I was glued to the spot, what is this again, is this guy going to add more insult to my injury? How low could a man fall after reaching the ground I asked in my mind?. "Ms Tiffany, my brother work in big company, he the boss and he look for hardworking person for big position". Really, I said, if I find anyone I will let you know. I was getting irritated but I did not want to show it, thank you so much Rocco. Rocco turned around and did the unexpected, "Ms, Tiffany, I give you my brother number, call him", he gestured as he wrote the number on the notepad on the refrigerator. Thank you very much and God bless you and I closed the door behind him.
I looked at the number that he scratched on my "to-do list" note pad, I shook my head because I was even entertaining the thought of calling Rocco's brother's number. The things we are willing to do when desperate!!! I asked myself if I had lost my mind to even consider calling the number a semi-illiterate gave me, what if I called and... I had to silence the doubt in me, what do I have to lose? I asked. I walked to a public pay phone and I called the number, a lady picked up the phone and I have never felt any more stupid in my entire life. I did not know Rocco's brother's name, what he did or what position he was recruiting for...I am sorry, if I have the wrong number, I was trying to reach Mr...I tried to remember Rocco's last name...Luigiano, "he is in a meeting at the moment may I take a message"? That's fine I will call back, when is he supposed to finish his meeting? He will be done by 1:30pm, the lady responded very sweetly, can I leave my number with you but I will call back, I said. She took my name and number.
I walked back home confident that I could call from my personal number. My phone was already flashing, indicating a call was waiting...Romano is Rocco's exact opposite, calm, refined, he speaks fluent English and he was the Director of Workforce planning in one of the insurance company in town. I could hardly believe when I spoke with him and he invited me over for 'a chat'. I took my resume with me and he was quite impressed, he set up an interview for the following day and sure thing, I sat in front of two women, Romano and a Human Resources manager. The interview lasted a whole hour and they promised to get back to me. I had applied for a different position but was offered a managerial position because of my experience. My remuneration blew me away! I said it must be a lie, how can this be happening? Then the Holy spirit asked me if I did not have faith when I asked the things I asked, Father forgive and help my unbelief. You still very much rule in the affairs of men!
Remember my sister who told me children of the kingdom lack wisdom, well I choose to pitch my tent with God and he has given me promotion on a platter of gold, without any need to compromise my stand or integrity, I have what God has planned for me. It is not always the packaging of the gift that matters but the content of the package. God can choose to bless you anyway He pleases and through any channel or medium He chooses. I do not need to hire myself out for bread, he has chosen to feed me till I need no more... Your challenge is possibly not your career or academics, perhaps it is the fruit of the womb or getting the bone of your bone, maybe you just need God to break the wrong family cycle that has been repeating itself, whatever it is, the power of God is able to break every yoke, destroy the counsel of the enemy and bring positive results in your situation. Do not let your heart fail you because of what you see, our God is mighty to save and He will save you.
The word of God in 1 Sam 2:5 NKJV
"Those who were full have hired themselves out for bread,
And the hungry have ceased to hunger
Even the barren has borne seven
And she who has many children has become feeble".
God will move on your behalf this week, every utterance of the enemy that challenges the might and bigness of your God will be put to shame in Jesus name. God will show up for you and your testimony will be heard. In whatever way you are hungry, you will cease to hunger in Jesus name. I love you dearly and God loves you more.
Agape!
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