Unwavering Love

I love attending weddings; I guess because you see a lot of beautiful things and you feel good, church and hall decorations, beautiful dresses, colorful attires and of course every bride looks beautiful on their wedding day. I attended a wedding recently and during the church service we listened as the beautiful bride struggle with tears to get her feelings across through her personal vow. The couple had written their own vows which they said after the regular wedding vows were exchanged. The girl just found ways to say “I love you”, she mentioned how her world revolves around the guy and so on. The guy was more realistic in the words he said, “for the things we are yet to go through” paraphrasing now. I watched people’s reactions and I could not help but notice the single girls among their friends, they were all “awwww. Oooh” and I smiled.

 It takes more than cuteness to walk the work of marriage! It also takes more than the wedding , glamour and fanfare of the day to succeed in a marriage relationship.  Do you have an idea of what you are getting into? Is it all about showing off your “rock” (ring) and telling the stories of the beautiful honeymoon you had. When you look at a woman who says “I will rather go back to my parents’ or become a single mother than live with this man” she too probably made a beautiful bride at a fairytale wedding... There are way too many sad stories today about marriage that makes the younger ones wonder if it is worth going into at all.

Before you go into marriage, realise that the other party is human, prone to error and would not always be “whom you want them to be”. The guy who says he is willing to go to  the end of the world for you may not be able to do that once he gets promoted at work and becomes a lot busier than he is right now. That does not mean he loves you any less, the lady who says you are everything will soon have children taking all her time and attention, don’t fret you are still her world...

Marriage is the oldest and most beautiful institution on earth! God’s intent is that it will be full of His blessings and like most stories we read when we were young, “and they lived happily ever after” is the intended end God has for marriage. For us to end the way He planned, we must be willing to live or go through marriage the way He conceptualized it not our own way.  Maybe you have forgotten the picture you had in mind when you got married, are things as rosy as they were or you thought they were going to be at the beginning? You do not have to engage the devil’s attention in order to enjoy his momentary “blessing” filled with poison. You can recreate your dream with God’s help.

God is our first love and should be for those who are yet to know Him. God has the heart of every man in His hand and He is able to redirect wondering hearts back to him. You can not loose your own faith because someone else is not following right.  I would like to encourage you to deepen your relationship with the Lord and see how that impacts your relationship with your spouse. Eph3: 16-19 Amplified

¹⁶May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the [Holy] Spirit [Himself indwelling your innermost being and personality].

⁷May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love,

¹⁸That you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God's devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breadth and length and height and depth [of it];

¹⁹[That you may really come] to know [practically, ^[e]through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses ^[f]mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] ^[g]unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and ^[h]become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]!

I pray that you will be rooted and grounded in God’s love. The love of God deepens in your heart when you take the bold step to seek him. His love is unconditional and does not depend on what you do for him now, neither is it selfish. The love of God is a tough love that loved us when we were not worthy of being loved. It is forgiving, unconditional, and eternal. Perhaps situations have made you to question God’s love, His eternal arms are always stretched out forever and all you need to do is reach out to Him. How you may ask? Through His word fellowship and prayers! Make sure you do not give in to the suggestions of the devil, God is not done with you yet.

 Indeed God’s love is unwavering. May we find strength and may our focus not waver as we seek God anew this week.

Agape!

Losts of Distractions...

How did we keep ourselves busy, connected and focussed before the advent of technology? I asked myself this because it is almost impossible to have a sane moment without one form of device or the other. I am so grateful to God for the gift of Facebook(FB), you cannot imagine how many lovely people I have been able to connect and reconnnect with and other ways that technology has brought progress and improvement to our daily lives! People in the Western hemisphere can communicate without any hitch with folks in Africa, those in Australia can be on the same page with other parts of the world, you can get a message to US from the land of Zulu in seconds and indeed the world has become a global village.


Regardless of the many advantages of technology, we have to be aware and careful of the distractions it has brought to our lives. What are distractions? It is divided attention of an individual or group from the chosen object of attention onto the source of distraction.

How do you handle your cell phone, pagers, laptop, ipad, smartphones etc? Do you have limits as to where to use them, how often and when to switch them off? Do you get restless when a new version of a device emerge on the market? A lot of people are still trying to figure out ipad1 and then ipad 2 is out and before you know it ipad 3 will follow. How many of these do you need and to what extreme do you go to acquire them?

The focus here is not whether you should have them or not but how do they impact your life? I sat down in the car with my children waiting for my hubby who had gone to run a quick errand and I found myself glued to my phone. I am able to read and write mails, send text and do a whole lot of my phone but if I didnot have a cell phone, everything would have waited till I got home. I would have been able to talk to the children and listen to their conversations. How often do you pull out your phone when you are supposed to be relaxing with your spouse or children? When you seemed bored, do you find it easy to turn to your gadgets to stay connected? Connected to who? Entertainment has taken over quiet moments, children and adult play games; all sorts of games killling the enemy, destroying towers and almost anything you can imagine. Have you noticed how captivating games are and they sure are a "good" way to waste time.

In the church, you may pretend you are reading the bible and making notes on your ipad but actually be playing a game. A friend of mine got nabbed during a meeting, he was playing a game and he had won, well we all heard applause coming from his ipad and new he had been in his own world because he had won a trophy! Right in the middle of a meeting...


Here is what the bible says: Proverbs 4:25 The Message

"Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore sideshow distractions"


In a world where there are so many things attempting to shift our focus from the object of our focus, we do need to pay attention and be conscious of what God has called us to. We used to require a television and DVD player to watch a movie before but right now, you can watch anything on the go. Pornography, a topic for another day has become a major problem even among christians and is rocking the boat of many marriages. How much time do you spend on facebook and twitter? After you have checked out pictures on your friends profile, does it make you feel dejected and wonder why other peoples lives are better than yours? If God has been blessing you, with facebook, you find it hard to not flunt it to the whole world, every new dress gets a click that gets posted on facebook, when you cough, you take a picture of it and show the whole world. I have a facebook page and I have pictures there but remember there always has to be moderation in all we do.

I also came across a quote:

"Any occurence requiring undivided attention will be accompanied by a compelling distraction" - Rober Bloch.



What has God committed into your hand? The devil is set to distract you from succeeding therefore, he positions, a compelling distraction to shift your attention. How much time do I spend in prayer, how much time do I spend in the study of the word? The word of God is steadfast and ever abiding and does not answer to modernization. Lets keep our eyes on the goal. Do you watch all the shows on TV or satellite and you feel you too should be like the women you see there? You have to first ask yourself who their father is, if you do not share the same father, you will be acting like a bastard by going the way of their father...


We watch shows, movies and see what cool, successful women do,wear and we are tempted to do same at home. No! If it does not fall within the stardard of the kingdom you belong to, dont dare copy it.The people in the world copy their father - devil in the many evil and attrocities they commmit, we should copy our own Daddy by living holy and daily carrying our cross to follow Him.


God has not blessed you and made life easy for you to get distracted and move over to the camp of the enemy. Most of the time, you do not see the flag or banner stating "camp of the enemy or devil".Matthew 4: 8 The devil has a way of showing you the kindgdoms of the world, and the glory of them, however, it is up to you to know that only the Lord thy God should you worship. If you are caught in activities that are laced with an element of godliness, you have to check and make sure you are not loosing the main focus for which you have been apprehended.


You are God's children, you have to exude God's glory in all you do, looking your best, attaining great heights by His grace but remember to keep your eyes on the mark. Heb 12: 1-2

"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth s easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us. Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame and is set down at the right hnad of the throne of God".

Blessings!

UNDEFINED

As he walked me through the dark path leading to my house, we talked and laughed and I felt this closeness to him that I have never felt towards any guy... it was just so romantic; the serenity of the environment, the moonlight, you know the kind you read about in romantic novels? We did not hold hands but I wish he could just hold my hand. We talked about everything, my siblings, his siblings, our challenges and our hearts felt like one. What do I call this?

We are very good friends, we read together, enjoy each others company, he knows all my siblings and I know all his, our friends see us as an item but... he had never said anything about a relationship! I guess I am assuming if I think there is anything between us, but I do not see him being this close to any other girl, so I must be special. Besides, he calls me beloved, and I asked him if I could call him mine… his response, you are free to call me whatever your heart pleases or what you think I am to you. I felt I was on cloud 16! I call him MINE.
How can I ask him what is between us now without appearing to be mounting pressure? A lot of my friends see us together everywhere and ask me about him and he would always give me messages from his friends as well. I cook for him because I know he would always come to visit at the end of the day. He tells me how his day went and I tell him about mine. I enjoy watching him eat and he is always appreciative of whatever I serve him... How do I explain this madness to anyone?

Can anyone relate to this? You clean, cook, perform the duties of a wife when the man has not asked you out or proposed to you, you are on the verge of breaking your heart into pieces. When a guys talks to you about things that should be shared between lovers or people in a committed relationship and he just assumes a role you can not eloquently define, then you need to sit down and have a straight and frank talk with him. A lot of times sisters shy away from asking what a relationship is about, you are better of doing that before a handshake becomes a hug...

I know of a brother and sister who were always together, walking, talking, fellowshipping and going out to functions and so on. Everyone else who saw them assumed they were courting but the brother showed up one day and told the sister "you know everything about me, about my family and my future plans. There is this special person I would want you to meet. This is the person God is leading me to marry". The sister almost dropped to the floor, but she put herself together and managed a smile as well as played along. What do you expect this individual to do? She accepted and allowed the "Special person" sleep in her room till the following day.

How many sisters are being 'used' just because they think this Brother A might be Mr Right and they have to 'behave' like a virtuous woman? Before you start any unsolicited interior decoration in a man’s apartment, know that he has formally proposed to you and that you have sought the face of the Lord about going into a relationship. You can wash his clothes and even go to his parents house to carry out cleaning duties, that will not force him to marry you. Little wonder ladies are mistreated when they eventually ‘struggle’ to become a man’s MRS.

Have you considered how the bible puts it?: Prov. 18:22 “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favour of the Lord” A man has to find you and be sure you are his wife. If you find yourself contesting for the attention of a man, then you need to go and reassess yourself and value. If you force your way to the heart of a man, how are you going to sustain your stay there? Perhaps you see a sister or woman as a ticket to your success in life, it is only a matter of time. Why must you live like a gold digger when God has beautiful promises for you. If you are a man who is struggling, you do not need to give a lady the impression that you are going to marry her just to guarantee yourself food and money.
Before you become 5& 6 with any brother or sister, be sure you have defined that relationship! You are a treasure do not cheapen your worth.
Agape!

Nevertheless...

I was in the company of a lady a couple of days ago, in an attempt to start a conversation, her first statement was "We can not succeed in this land," I did not allow her to continue, "I will succeed, I am suceeding I responded". I have not encountered such negativity in a long time... Whatever you allow to be dropped in your spirit man has a way of affecting you, either positively or negatively. Do you know as a man thinks in his heart even so is he? that is paraphrasing what the bible says. When you look around you perhaps all you see is negativity, there may be evidence of doctors report, restructuring at work, job loss, discrimination in your community, barreness,complex and knotty situations, marital problems, divorce and the list may almost be endless. I would like to encourage you this morning not to listen to the wrong reports; Numbers 13: 28 - 32 NKJV 28 Nevertheless the people who dwell in the land are strong; the cities are fortified and very large; moreover we saw the descendants of Anak there. 29 The Amalekites dwell in the land of the South; the Hittites, the Jebusites, and the Amorites dwell in the mountains; and the Canaanites dwell by the sea and along the banks of the Jordan.” Negativity is not the norm, check the company you are keeping. God is blessing His people, doing miracles inspite of what the enemy may want you to believe. Anything or anyone that makes you doubt the faithfulness of God, authenticity of your faith in Jesus Christ should be avoided. Good alone is God to Israel! In the midst of the mess that is going on in the world, God's message to His own children is still constant. His thoughts towards you can never change to evil because of happenings around. Jer.29:11 His thoughts towards you are of good and not of evil, He will bring you to that expected end. God is bound by His word and He surely will bring you to that expected end. 2 Timothy 2:19 NKJV "Nevertheless the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal:"The Lord knows those who are His," and, "Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity." In other words, as long as we depart from iniquity as God's children the Lord's seal on us is intact. May you feel His love afresh and may His grace sustain you till the end. Have a productive, blessed, refreshed, guilt free, exciting and God-filled day. Shalom!

My Mother & My Wife - Past & Present? (Part 2)

I watched Mummy packed all her things and I stopped pleading with her not to leave. I said; "Mummy, I can not afford to have you leave in annoyance, please what do you want me to do?" She ignored me and continued packing her things. Mummy, I will go and fight Delanke over what happened if that will make you happy... She turned around sharply and faced me with both hands raised as if to say I surrender; my darling son, you have been a source of blessing to me and I could not have asked for anyone better. God used you to wipe away my tears and give me beauty for ashes. All that I thought I had lost I have gotten back. I have also seen God answer my prayers by establishing and promoting you. You are married and you have a child, all these add to the icing on my cake for which I always thank God. How can I now be an instrument of destruction and pull down what God has built for you? I can never wish you evil, I was just being human...I can not live your life , I will go home and visit when necessary. Mummy, thank you so much, the driver will take you home tomorrow, I prostrated to show my appreciation for her understanding. By the time I left her room, I discovered we had been talking for about three hours! I went into our bedroom and apologised to my wife, begging and appealing to her, holding her in an embrace. She had been crying for a couple of hours as her eyes were very red. Please let me be, what else am I suppossed to do? She asked rhetorically, fresh tears streaming down her cheeks. I love your mother and treat her the same way I would mine, how come I can never do anything right as far as she is concerned? It is as if she is out to find faults with all that I do. She said I will die by fire, by thunder...shhhh! Darling, no one is going to die, please I know I have hurt you, I take responsibility for all that Mummy has put you through in the last few months, Delanke, she did not mean any harm, I hate to see you cry, I promise all this mess will get sorted out. I can not choose between you and my mother, you are the two pillars that hold my life. I cannot forget in a hurry the pivotal role Mummy played to get me to where I am. I am forever grateful to her, however, you are my wife, my friend, I am expected to leave and cleave to you... Baby, the reality of Genesis 2:24 just hit me for the first time in my life. Gen. 2:24 NKJV "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh". Mummy is leaving tomorrow but if it is ok with you, can we have a short meeting just to resolve this? I held Delanke's hands, looked straight into her eyes, I saw the worry, sadness and doubts, do not feel pressured if you need some time to sort your thoughts out. Delanke rested her head on my shoulder and reassured me; "I am fine sweetheart". We went into the sitting room where Mummy was sitting folding our son's clothes. We would like to have a word with you if that is ok I said. Sure, Mummy responded putting the pile of folded clothes in the laundry basket. Mummy, I started, if Delanke has offended you by anything she said please forgive us. I prostrated again and Delanke knelt beside me. My mother started crying and said "It is all over". Please forgive me too, living together gives room for assumption, presumption as well as over familiarity. Delanke, you are my daughter and the mother of my grandchildren, I love you dearly and would want you to forgive me too. Sometimes it could be difficult sharing someone you love, there is no way I can do what you do for my son because he is your husband, I almost got jealous and became afraid that I was loosing him to you... No! Mummy, Delanke said feeling very overwhelmed by "Grandmas' vulnerability. He is yours and will always be yours. It has been a delight and joy to have Fowope as my husband. You raised a responsibile gentleman! God forbid that I should take him from you. Mummy hugged Delanke and patted my back. We had a wonderful family devotion that night and I slept peacefully afterwards, a huge load off my heart. Mummy returned back home the following morning but she visits every quarter as well as during festive periods, we also go to see her with her grandson periodically. Thank God for helping us avert a great destruction! (The End). To as many Fowopes, Delankes and Grandmas out there, may God grant you wisdom to untangle every knotty situation that rocks the foundation of your home in Jesus name. To women whose mothers-in-law are a pain in their necks; have you tried to figure out what your MIL's (Mother-In-Law)issues are? Have you checked your attitude and dispostion towards your MIL? It is true you can not appease the devil perhasp she is not a devil but just looking for assurance and security. If you belong to the class of women who wish their MILs dead, remember you too are a woman and per chance you have a son... What goes around comes around. Every woman who has laboured over their children deserve to enjoy the fruits of their labour. That is where wisdom is key.You need your husband on your side to win in a case against his mother! You can not paint his mother black, call her a witch and yet expect him to be there for you when in-law violence arises! Do all you need to do in relating well with your MIL. Ask God to touch your husband's heart, open his eyes and grant him wisdom to set boundaries appropriately. Do not attempt to alienate your husband from his family. Grandmas, you cannot live your life through your children's, you did not have it easy as a daugther-in-law... does that mean your own daughter in law should go through hell? Are you always finding faults and comparing your life with hers. Please move on! Pray for them and see God bring joy to your own life. May you find fulfillment, may God's grace be available for you to look and relate beyond your hurt. Your joy will continue to be full over your offsprings in Jesus name. Husbands, God has placed you in charge! Whether as son or husband you play a key role in ensuring peace between your mother and wife. Trust God for wisdom to strike a balance, never allow your emotions to override your ability to reason according to the word of God. God has set up human beings to have relationships with one another. He also commands a blessing where we work towards unity (Ps. 133:1) Blessings,   Thanks for everyone who sent in comments about this, God will grant us wisdom to handle sensitive situations in our homes in Jesus name.

My Mother & my Wife - Past & Present?

The very first woman that I love, caring, hardworking and has my best interest at heart. When my friends told me I was skinny and ugly, she told me I am the best child in the whole world and she treated me as such.

She told me I would go places, she encouraged me to be an achiever and aim for the highest height, she told me successful people do not have two heads and that whatever I put my mind into I can do. I remember when my admission letter to study Engineering at the university arrived, she was happy, excited and told me if she will do everything possible to ensure I get through school. Sure it was not easy, she worked hard selling finger foods, petty items to gather money. She denied herself all the good things that women her age had, she was determined to see me through school at all cost.

You may wonder where Dad is, well, he died just after my eleventh birthday and since then my two sisters and I have become Mum's sole responsibility. She used to work as an elementary school teacher and she also did some petty trading, she got a store and sold everything sellable to raise money. In my final year in the University, I was the best student in my class of 125 and head hunters came to my school for recruitment and I was one of the first to be recommended for a position with the Shell Petroleum company. I finished my youth service (1 year volunteer opportunity of serving my nation). Life started to look up and without a doubt I assumed the role of a breadwinner, told my mother she will never have to suffer or labour for anything again. I took care of my younger sisters and they both finished university the same year.

Work went well, promotion came almost every year as the Lord blessed all that I laid my hands on to do. I was very much into my work and my service in the house of God and I hardly gave marriage any thought. Mum started worrying and praying that I will find the right woman and settle down. Most of the ladies I saw in church didn't fit into the picture of the woman I would like to marry, in carrying out conversation with one or two I found out how shallow they were and I knew I didnt want to live the rest of my life with a woman who had no personal ambition or goal for her life. Everything I said was ok by most of the girls I met. I kept working and praying and then one day I joined a group of young men in my department to go fishing, I was fascinated by the thought of catching a fish in the river by my self.We caught 4 pieces of fish and we were excited at the size so we decided to go shopping for condiments since we didn't plan for such a big catch. We got all the items we needed and as we headed towards our car, we noticed a lady who tripped as she tried to climb a few flights of stairs, her groceries were all over the floor and she was obviously awfully embarrassed. We all went towards her trying to be gentlemen, two of us  helped her to her feet while a couple of us tried to help pick up the items scattered all over the floor. She was full of appreciation and tried to walk but she had sprained her ankle.

We had to take her to her apartment and she was grateful, God bless you all, I appreciate your help she said as we left her apartment. For the very first time in a long time, I noticed something about her and her voice just stayed with me... We did not even ask for her name, so after work on Monday, I decided to pay her a visit to see how her ankle was, I knocked on the door and she apologised for not asking for our names or telephone so as to at least say 'thank you', that will not be necessary I said. We started talking, we connected so perfectly, pretty, avid reader and initiative, we had so many things in common and she just knew the right buttons to press in me.

My mother came to see me and as she was dusting the appliances in my apartment she said, Ajasa, my beloved and she started eulogizing me, her way of getting my attention whenever she has a serious matter to discuss.  Please make me happy and settle down with a nice girl so you too can have posterity. Mummy I think I have good news for you, there is a girl, I have been seeing for a number of months and I will bring her to meet you this weekend. I brought Delanke to meet my mum and she sat her on her lap as she showered her with love and prayers. You are my daughter not my in-law, you will be fruitful in this house and boys and girls you will carry in your womb for my son. I love you.

We got married and Mum was on cloud 'fifty', she moved in with us after our first child arrived, a bouncing baby boy. A few months after Mum's arrival, my wife started withdrawing and her relationship with Mum was no longer the same. She is happier whenever we are out by ourselves and she would give any excuse to avoid having Mum in our company. My Mum started complaining about  Delanke, she would always have a catalogue of offences she committed when I was away. Whenever I arrive from work, Mum would eulogize me, sit down to talk to me about her day and Delanke would be in the room, moody and looking sad. I felt squeezed, not too sure how to handle the tension at home.

This continued for about five months and I came home one day to find Mum and Delanke exchanging words, "He is mine, I gave birth to him, I nurtured and trained him and you come here now when all is done to take him away from me, you will not succeed, even if you are a witch, by fire and thunder you will die". Delanke responded; Mummy, I have exercised patience all these months because I respect my husband but today, you have crossed the line, this is my home, any one who says I will not stay in my husband's home will die by fire and thunder.You belong in his past, I am his present and the children I am having for him will be his future, let that sink into you Mummy! I walked in and hushed my wife, please stop it, how can you say that to my mother? I prostrated to apologize to my mother who was now crying and putting her things together in a travelling bag. I am going back to my house, I cannot continue to tolerate this useless girl.

It was as if my world had just crashed...(to be continued)

What should I do now?

Please I welcome your comments.