Criticism is a very necessary part of life, as a matter of fact, it challenges us to take a closer look at ourselves, what we do on a daily basis from someone else's perspective. Criticism could be quite constructive when done in a healthy, positive manner. You can not see your own back, it will take someone watching you from behind to see how and what is going on behind you. Having said that, criticism could be destructive if offered from the perspective of pulling the other party down. Case in point in a Relationship (marriage, friendship, colleague and so on).
Compliment is an expression of praise, commendation, or admiration. A sincere compliment boosts one's morale. When you always find what is positive in people, it draws them to you and makes them feel good about themselves. Now, you can not always compliment people when there is nothing complimentary about what they do. However, you can make help them see what is good or how to change for the better when you construct your compliment about a negative trait in a positive manner. As good as it is to say it the way it is, you are likely to destroy relationships if your speech is not seasoned with grace.
When you constantly say the things that are wrong in someone else, they build a wall to prevent you from getting to them. Smart people improve their performances, outlook towards life from the criticism you have received. We will quickly look at some scenarios:
Friendship: the friend who constantly tells you how badly your clothes look on you, how scattered your teeth are and how old your car is may always put you on the defence. If your friend always complains about your work, how poorly you cook and how you do not seem to know how life works, then you have to note the things they talk about, make corrections if necessary and probably distance yourself from them if you find they bring you down or bring out the worst in you.
Colleague: every job no matter how simple requires a level of training. You have to ensure that you are constantly improving yourself so that you are at the cutting edge of what you do. There are colleagues who always find faults, they complain and criticize every move and action so that you feel you do not know what you are doing. In dealing with this class of people, you have to get more training, constantly ensure that you know the "how" and "why" of things at work. It is only when you know these two that you can be outstanding at work.
Marriage: this is one area where negative criticism could be destructive, that is because you can not wake up one day and tell yourself you have had enough of your spouse just because they criticize what you do. However, it could be like a leaking faucet if all you do all the time is to criticize your partner. Yes, you are the only one who can tell them the truth, but how do you communicate the truth? In telling your spouse that they need to improve their performance at work, do you end up making them feel idiotic, totally unwanted? For example, your husband got a raise at work, but nothing near your friend's husband and you ask him if he does not like working in a bank. He innocently responds yes, he does and you end up by saying "if you can just get a well paying job in the bank, our lot will be better like Mr X". You have just dealt that man a nasty blow because of your criticism. Proverbs 27:15 "A continual dripping on a very rainy day
And a contentious woman are alike".
Also, if you tell your wife "you can not shop in that store, it is only for people up to size 16". Without saying a lot, you have said too much, there is no need to be petty when we constructively criticize. However, things can get bad when we intend to rubbish people with our criticism..
I have discovered that you can state a negative fact in a positive way. So instead of sounding negative, you can make your partner pay attention when you compliment them. So for your wife who cooks with a lot of salt, start with "thanks dear for taking time to make this food, I appreciate all the good work you put in, I am cutting back on my salt in-take, do you mind reducing the amount you put in my food? You have respectfully identified something wrong and they will pay attention to it. In following up on that, the next meal that has less salt should be complemented as well.
Do you appreciate your spouse for paying the rent, mortgage or for those whose houses are paid up, thank him for something that is his responsibility but he does without you having to remind him. I said to my husband one day, "thanks for providing us shelter, I appreciate you for the fact that I do not have to cry or struggle towards the end of the month or worry about the payment for this place". He was not sure what I wanted or where I was going, but he said thanks. He too complements me for the things I do, "this meal is world class taste, you look nice in this skirt" and so on. Even though we are still working on his ability to recognize when I just got back from the salon, but I allow that to slide most times....lol
I know of women who are expert cooks today and they had no idea of how to cook some years ago because their husbands encouraged them. They went from watery stews to nice presentable dishes. Some women pointed out the strengths in their husbands constantly and today their self esteem has become enhanced.
Your change will come only when you initiate it and you are willing to pay the price. Why not limit the harsh criticism and start identifying things that can be complemented in our partners. The first few times you say it, you may even sound fake to yourself, your partner may ask you what you want, where that is coming from? or why you are acting weird, those are all the questions that accompany positive change. Just keep at it and when you are dealing with a very knotty case, remember you can tackle that in the place of prayer. Your CHANGE is bound to come.
By the way, you show depth by reading this, and you are very sociable by sharing this piece with a friend...lol There, I just paid you a complement, pay it forward at home and then to those around you.
Shalom!
