Stolen Waters (Concluding part)

While I was enjoying my new fulfilled and complete life, my mind just went back to the sad, unpredictable days of barrenness. I felt my conscience prick me but I had to silence it right away. Nothing is going to make me go back to those days or feel guilty of how I got to where I am now. I used what I have to get exactly what I want. The only reason why I had an affair with Tope was because I could not have children. I saw his family pictures and he had three healthy boys within the space of three years, he had what I was looking for!. Tope had the right genes, I did not intend to break my home or marry him, he had what my life has been miserable about. He had what money or inheritance could not get me with Folami and I had to take care of myself in the game of life so I do not lose out. Folami's Mum was not going to be nice to me if I did not produce a child for her son. It is easy to judge someone else when you have not walked in their shoes. Now, I can be at peace and live happily ever after.

Life continued as usual and Omowonuola continued to grow, he is such a fun to watch through every stage of development. I was really happy seeing how lucky I have been. It has been one whole year and Wonuola will be turning one soon. I was planning his birthday bash and decided to go to the party store to check out his favourite Disney character for the party (Mickey Mouse). I was in the balloon aisle and for a strange reason I could sense someone staring at me. I looked up but I told myself my eyes were playing tricks on me. In the adjacent aisle to me was a gentleman with his wife and three boys. Unsure of whether the guy saw me or not, I told the cashier I was going to return to negotiate a better rate for the balloons.  To my heels I took, I literally ran out of the store. My heart was racing and I wanted to just go back home, it can not be true or real... I hurriedly left the store but on getting to the car, I noticed I had left my phone at the cash registered where I was taking pictures of some balloon arrangements... Arrrggggg!!! What am I going to do now? I had to get my phone before someone else walks away with it.  As I walked back into the store with Wonuola in his stroller, the guy was heading out and held the door for me, yes, it was Tope... I wanted to turn back and run but that would be too obvious. I smiled as he walked up to my son and I, his wife and children were with him. "Look who is here", he teasingly said, I managed a nervous smile. Tope introduced his amiable wife and lovely boys to me and I introduced my son to them, I told them it was a pleasure meeting them. My heart was racing and Tope bent down to look at Wonuola, "hi young man, you are as cute as a button". I was really getting uncomfortable but did not know what to say or do,  I just kept smiling in a sheepish manner.

Wonuola bailed me out as he started crying, "he must be hot I said, I need to leave. Kike, Tope's wife came over and said, "let me pick him up and sing for him, anyone would get cranky if strapped in a stroller in this hot weather". She smiled and unbuckled Wonuola. We went into the store and started strolling through the aisles.  I did not bargain for this and this was getting too close for comfort. I picked up my phone and thanked the cashier and said goodbye, all this while I avoided saying anything to Tope. Tope said out loud to no one in particular "I need to check one more thing in the hardware isle".  Kike invited me over to their hotel room the next day. I refused but she told me they were going to be around for another 2 weeks and I could bring Wonuola to play with her boys. She asked if I would like to give her my number, to that I could not say no, I gave it to her and she said it would be nice to chat with me. I said good bye to her and her boys, told her to say hello to Tope.

All the way home, I was feeling very guilty; she was the sweetest woman I have met in a long time. I might just consider myself dead if she ever discovers that I had an affair with her husband! How on earth do I explain this to myself? I can actually hear my mother say something like this "Doyinsola, how could you, that is greed, theft and adultery all rolled up in one, where did you get that trait from?".  I was so sad, without anyone saying a word to me, I could hear voices in my head. A thought just flashed through my mind, "could Wonuola be Tope's son?". I am dead, so dead.... My heart was racing and myriads of questions were going through my mind "Who do I share this with?, I felt I was loosing my mind, what was he doing in Houston, that mall especially?. Why was his wife being unduly nice to me? Were they out to get me? Why did his wife invite me to their hotel room? Were they up to something? I pulled up in front of the house and my husband was out there, he asked what the matter was with me and I said I was not feeling too fine. He took our son out of the car seat and brought him inside tossing him up and kissing him.

 Fatherhood has introduced me to a different side to Folami, he is just totally in love with his son and I. As I watched the two of them, I thought to myself, "I should get a DNA test done". How will I do that without our family doctor? What would be the excuse for having a DNA test? I need to get a grip I told myself. Later that evening, my phone rang, and sure thing, it was Kike calling. I wasn't sure what to talk to her about but she was. She asked what I do for a living, about books I have read and so on. Then she told me she wanted to tell me about the love of God. "Please, no born again stuff, I do not belong to that camp", I said to myself. She went on and said something like; "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God". My heart was racing, did she know something? Was she trying to get a message across subtly?" Why is she tormenting me with the things she is saying? Well, at the end of our conversation, I thanked her and wanted to hang up without saying anything. She said, "Doyinsola, is there anything you want to ask or say?" I was upset, why should I have to say anything to you? I do not owe you any explanation so what are you talking about?" I was beginning to raise my voice.

Kike said as calmly as possible "Doyinsola, I am not asking you to make any confession, I was just asking if you wanted to ask anything about our discussion, I mean about knowing the Lord Jesus Christ more intimately". I was embarrassed and ashamed all at once. The guilty will always be afraid... Sorry Kike, I have to go and I hung up the phone. I was crying, nothing could console me. The problem was that I was not sure why I was crying I wanted to know more about this love of God, why would God love me with the atrocity I have committed? I cried and cried, The thoughts going on in my head was about my discussion with Kike and some of the things she said. If only this God has the slightest idea of what I have done and even Kike, am sure she will personally ask God to through me into the hottest part of hell... Folami was confused, unsure of what to say or how to make me feel better.  I decided to go to a walk in clinic.

I felt so sad and it was bordering on depression. The most difficult aspect of it all is that I could not confide in anyone. Nothing anyone said to me made sense. I was experiencing a pain in my heart that no medication could treat, then after a week of suffering, I decided to call Kike, we exchanged greetings and she apologized for our last misunderstanding. I told her it was alright but I wanted to meet with her where we would be able to discuss at length. We decided to meet at a coffee store not too far from their hotel room.  I told her about how I had been feeling since our last discussion, opening the scriptures to me, she told me about the love of God, the doom of sinners and the promise of eternal life to those who would believe in Jesus. I asked her what I needed to do to which she responded; "Doyinsola, with the heart man believes unto righteousness and with the mouth confesses unto eternal life. you only have to confess that you believe in Jesus and the work of reconciliation He did by dying on the cross of Calvary. Tell the Lord you know you are a sinner and that you have sinned against him. Ask Him to forgive your sins, that you will never sin anymore, ask the Lord to write your name in the lamb's book of life and accept you into His kingdom". I was balling my eyes out through out but I felt so much relief after, it was as if a load was taken off my chest. I kept crying throughout for two reasons;the depth of the heart of man and its cruetly and because of the depth of God’s love who freely forgives. I felt relieved instantly! Kike was truly happy for me, she hugged me and wiped my tears away. She told me she would recommend a church as well as books that could help me grow in my new faith. She also said I should read my bible daily and spend time with God.

As I returned home that afternoon, I was very happy. Folami was surprised at the sudden change when I got back home. He wondered where I went and what happened. I told him about my encounter and that I had given my life to Christ, he said he was happy for me if that was what made me happy. As I settled to prepare dinner, I saw the pile of mails and there was the mail from the walk-in clinic... It was as if I saw a ghost, I managed to finish dinner and hid inside the washroom to check the result...I was panic stricken, unsure of what it contained, then I let out a scream. Folami came knocking on the door and I told him I was fine. I read the result over and over again, are my eyes deceiving me? Omowonuola is Folami's son! I burst into tears again because God was giving me another chance totally undeserved, indeed He is a merciful God! I freshen up and went out to see Folami and Wonuola playing. I found my way to church on Sunday, everything seemed different and new but I was determined to seek and serve this God who has cleaned up my mess so mercifully. I have to live with the guilt of what I did and hopefully one day I will learn to forgive myself. I do not know how to relate with Kike, I am not going to tell her, I do not want to ruin her home neither mine. I do not know what I would have done if the child was Tope's, it would have been real devastating for me. It is just so hard to figure all this out.
 

I do not feel I have won, neither do I feel like I got away with anything. Rather I see the mercy of God,I see His love and His ability to make the best out of every situation. I would not suggest that anyone take this route, you may think it is fast and it gets you to where you are going but I indeed feel like I have gravel in my mouth at the thought of my wickedness. Hmmm, “the gift of God makes rich and adds no sorrow”. The only thing on my mind is: "why did I not wait for God to do what He was going to do anyway"? Why did I think I could help or assist God to bring to pass His plans for my life? It has been three months since I gave my life to Christ and surely, it has been worth it and am enjoying my growth and basking in the love of God.

 

Every time man attempts to assist God, he only manages to successfully create a mess. Waiting is never fun but if only we can develop and acquire the virtue of patience. Tell that to a woman who has been married without a child. With God all things are possible, so I choose to wait till He makes me praise in the earth and cause my glory to ring out.  Our culture hounds and terrifies a woman who is trusting God for the fruit of the womb. As Christians, let us not discuss or try to find a reason why a woman has not been able to conceive but rather let us help them by praying and reminding God to bring His promise to pass in their lives. He has said none shall be barren...

I hope you have been blessed by this. I need to mention that this is more than my imagination, the theme is true and real but I have been able to adjust it by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit....

 

 A couple of questions:

i) What should Doyinsola do as a new Christan: should she tell her husband about her affair with Tope?

ii)If Tope decides to be vindictive and tells his wife, how would you react if you were Kike?

I welcome your comments on this blog so that anyone who visits can be blessed by your insightful contributions.

Blessed beyond a curse!.