Smelling the coffee

I used to think a happy marriage is one where you have two people head over heels in love, they respect each other, pleased with what the other party does and if there is any misunderstanding, they settle it like this; "sweetie, I did not like the way you spoke to me in the presence of our friends". Then the other party will respond with "Baby, my bad, I am so sorry if you were offended, forgive me, I love you", then kisses and hugs and making up, they tell each other what a wonderful person he/she is and they live happily ever after...I laugh as I am typing this too, you just have to keep reading watching more movies in the romance genre...

However, the word of God gives us a clear picture of man(human being), his weaknesses and state of mind. When you marry a man/woman, you have to understand the limit to their level of perfection, we are all work in progress. While some wake up to the reality of what is expected from them, others remain 'boys or baby' for ever in their relationship and with that comes, crying, whining and complaints. Once you have agreed to enter into the institution of marriage, you can not remain a freshman or "jambito" forever. Eventhough, you never graduate from the institution of marriage, you are expected to improve your knowledge, acquire more skills as it relates to dwelling with your spouse in love.

You have to find out what love means to your wife and what respect means to your man. A lot of traditional men will tell you, I am educated, I live in the Western world, why do I need to still carry on about respect the old fashion way? Hmm, so true, when you are in Rome, the ideal thing is to behave like Romans, but oftentimes, you can take a boy out of the hood and never be able to take the hood out of the boy. The recipe for that is a thorough understanding of the individual you are dealing with. An example of a 42 year old Yoruba man (I am from the Yoruba tribe in Nigeria) who has just married a 29 year old lady, loves and adores her but after a few months of settling into marriage, he gets irritated that his wife's friends who are way younger than him calls him by name. His wife had told them he does not mind, this causes friction at home. You should know as a woman that what matters is sanity and peace in your home, do the needful. 

Your spouse took you to the notable eateries when courting you, you ate everything from Chinese to Italian, Mamaput, Mediterranean and what have you cuisines. Now he expects you to cook 'owoh, Banga, egusi and edikaikhon soup" please learn how to make or order it to foster peace in your home. You were the complete gentleman who opens the door for your woman when you were courting, you pull the chair for her, push the buggy whenever you went shopping, you were always sweet enough to buy her favourite chocolate but now, you do not remember to do any act of kindness or sweetness...why? "Look at yourself in the mirror you tell her, I will not be a part of this careless living, go and lose some weight" you thrash her self confidence, while claiming that you were only telling her the truth.  Please return to the things that made you the only one he/she loves. 

Re infuse thoughtfulness, kindness, being considerate, generosity and righteousness into our relationship. It was common place in those days to fall in love with a man just because of the anointing upon his life. You may not necessarily know what the future has in stock but your faith could move mountains! While I do not encourage you to go into marriage without solid plans for the future, your faith in God most not become history all because you have to put bread on the table. The same holy brother in fellowship, whose clap during praise will send chills through your spine is now comfortable living in adultery. Everything is excusable on the grounds of business deal...
The size 4 sister who used to sing in the choir is now a size 18, cares about nothing, fasting is difficult, talks carelessly, unwilling to improve herself in any area and whines about everything her husband does. Arts do mirror life, when you see love thriving in the movie, effort is made somehow. 

Romans 14:19 "Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another"

I know you may have questions, concerns do your part first whether man or woman and then tell the rest to God.

Shalom!