The role of a Dad is completely different from that of a husband. I can hear somebody go: “that is obvious”. Yes it seems obvious, but is it really? For many relationships, a husband is who you become before you become a Dad. But then, does it always work out in that order? That is actually a narrow concept. One that predicts we get into marriage and biologically fathers a child; and that child now calls you “Dad”. Isn’t that how it is supposed to be? Have a good foundation as husband and wife and bear children. Nothing is wrong with this concept except that the whole burden of being a Dad cannot be that oversimplified.
Being a Dad, which I would also equate to being a good father can be achieved without being married. Before you start imagining that this view supports out of wedlock pregnancy, I will quickly point out that being a Dad is not the same as fathering a child. "If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" Matthew 7:11 this quote is from one Dad (Jesus Christ) about another Dad (God the Father). They were never married yet they are the greatest example of Dad we can ever see.
We can get to be a Dad biologically and yet we could still achieve that title by adoption but the greatest factor in anyone being a Dad is you. Please note that I am not trying to qualify the type of Dad you may be. The focus of this piece is not to get into that but to just focus on the responsibilities of being a Dad. And by saying “responsibilities” I realize I am going into a very difficult terrain. I realized it is a strong word which may have being used many times, especially on those who may not have one or two value components of the word. But I promise I am not going to go there, in fact I will reduce to the barest minimum my usage of the word.
Now that we have steered away from that hot button word, let’s take a look at the Dads in your life. By taking a look, I am sure some imagery or memories may come up. For example, God Almighty is a Dad that laid the foundation for our redemption, and Jesus Christ is the Dad that ensured that the plan worked by his sacrifice. But what do you think about your earthly Dad, or your adopted Dad? What do you think about your pastor who you call “Daddy” or your husband who seemed to have been playing the role of the father of your children long enough? What do you think about other people of influence in your life? The more you think the more images, memories and emotions that may come to you. The more you tend to now add some adjectives to qualify the “Dad” they are or were. Take note I had mentioned that it is not for me to determine what Dad you are dealing with.
I am not sure how we came about that word DAD but it has stuck with us for the right reasons. I must also admit that I picked it over other synonyms like father for my own selfish reason. Come to think of it, DAD can also be an acronym for Dedication Attention Devotion. See, it works well for my purpose… and why not? These qualities are in fact what differentiate a Dad from say…a baby father, boyfriend or even a husband. There is a burden of responsibilities (here we go again) placed on making a family. Such burden is now being eroded by the way the world is attempting to redefine family and marriage.
Men ought to have great devotion to God and their families. Devotion is our undivided allegiance to God and all the values He stands for as expressed in Colossians 3:17. As the devotion of the father to us is expressed in John 3:16 so do we need to be devoted to Him and His will. From devotion to God we draw strength and inspiration Philippians 4:13. By our devotion to our family we draw encouragement and we build the bond of love. A man’s devotion could be expressed in being available for his family at all times. A little inconvenience of fixing your child’s bike or taking them to a ball game could build the spirit of service and dedication in your child. Most importantly as men, we need to be the Pastors of our home. As God continues to inspire you, you need to share such inspiration with your family.
Being a Dad, which I would also equate to being a good father can be achieved without being married. Before you start imagining that this view supports out of wedlock pregnancy, I will quickly point out that being a Dad is not the same as fathering a child. "If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" Matthew 7:11 this quote is from one Dad (Jesus Christ) about another Dad (God the Father). They were never married yet they are the greatest example of Dad we can ever see.
We can get to be a Dad biologically and yet we could still achieve that title by adoption but the greatest factor in anyone being a Dad is you. Please note that I am not trying to qualify the type of Dad you may be. The focus of this piece is not to get into that but to just focus on the responsibilities of being a Dad. And by saying “responsibilities” I realize I am going into a very difficult terrain. I realized it is a strong word which may have being used many times, especially on those who may not have one or two value components of the word. But I promise I am not going to go there, in fact I will reduce to the barest minimum my usage of the word.
Now that we have steered away from that hot button word, let’s take a look at the Dads in your life. By taking a look, I am sure some imagery or memories may come up. For example, God Almighty is a Dad that laid the foundation for our redemption, and Jesus Christ is the Dad that ensured that the plan worked by his sacrifice. But what do you think about your earthly Dad, or your adopted Dad? What do you think about your pastor who you call “Daddy” or your husband who seemed to have been playing the role of the father of your children long enough? What do you think about other people of influence in your life? The more you think the more images, memories and emotions that may come to you. The more you tend to now add some adjectives to qualify the “Dad” they are or were. Take note I had mentioned that it is not for me to determine what Dad you are dealing with.
I am not sure how we came about that word DAD but it has stuck with us for the right reasons. I must also admit that I picked it over other synonyms like father for my own selfish reason. Come to think of it, DAD can also be an acronym for Dedication Attention Devotion. See, it works well for my purpose… and why not? These qualities are in fact what differentiate a Dad from say…a baby father, boyfriend or even a husband. There is a burden of responsibilities (here we go again) placed on making a family. Such burden is now being eroded by the way the world is attempting to redefine family and marriage.
Men ought to have great devotion to God and their families. Devotion is our undivided allegiance to God and all the values He stands for as expressed in Colossians 3:17. As the devotion of the father to us is expressed in John 3:16 so do we need to be devoted to Him and His will. From devotion to God we draw strength and inspiration Philippians 4:13. By our devotion to our family we draw encouragement and we build the bond of love. A man’s devotion could be expressed in being available for his family at all times. A little inconvenience of fixing your child’s bike or taking them to a ball game could build the spirit of service and dedication in your child. Most importantly as men, we need to be the Pastors of our home. As God continues to inspire you, you need to share such inspiration with your family.
Attention is described as a cognitive function, however its impact goes beyond the cognitive. There are many relationships that have the common complaints of the other partners as “he does not listen to what I have to say”. Giving attention to your family cannot be overstressed. Attention is a great component of communication within the family. A marriage without great communication is on the precipice of destruction. Yes many things such as issues at work, finances and health issues may cause divided attention. Men need to dig deep to give their attention so that the family does not slip away into break up. And yes, that big issue with a small name (SEX) is part of giving attention. I must confess, I’ve had to feel some lack of attention on certain occasion my wife delays on this issue. How are these two related…I have no clue but they border on pressing some emotional buttons in us. In other words if attention is that important to our sex lives, imagine what the damage may be if there is no attention. A prolonged lack of attention could produce an unplanned affair. Let’s start by taking a break every day, look each other in the face and say, “I love you”.
Yes I know, Dedication is quite similar to devotion. In fact a dictionary defines it as “selfless devotion”. What fascinates me about the value of dedication is the longevity. There is no dedication without a prolong devotion. With dedication, things don’t go out of vogue. With dedication, your wife remains your focal point and there should not be fly girl on the side. Proverbs 5:15 encourage us to “drink from your own cistern”. Another common phenomenon in today’s family life is the Absentee Dad or Runaway Dad. These are terrible adjectives to the great role of Dad. One can only earn this label if there is no dedication.
A question to ask ourselves as men is: am I just playing Dad or am I truly working hard to be Dedicated Attentive and Devoted (DAD)? Keep working!
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