| I woke up to the sound of Mummy's voice "Ajoke, Omotolani", she tapped me on the shoulder. I opened an eye unsure of where I was. I was quite weak and I attempted to sit up in bed but I slumped right back. "Mummy please take care of my son", I managed to mutter. My mother flipped and yelled "You are going to raise your child, I will not have to do that for you, you will not die but live, what kind of rubbish statement is that? I have watched you carry on these past few days, I think I need you to realize I do not find it funny that you are alluding to the fact that you are going to die. You will never be a source of sorrow for me. I raised you and you will live to raise your child". At this point she broke down crying and I joined her too. "Mummy, I am not sure what is going on with me" I said sobbing. "Even the best of us have our moments of vulnerability. There are a few things going on and I think you are just overwhelmed. Get up and eat something light, take a warm shower and you will feel refreshed" she finished. I did as she suggested and I felt quite better. We decided to watch a movie together that night.
Theo returned late and was quite surprised to see me in a better mood. He was slightly confused and as he made his way to the room, I followed him smiling. I asked him how his day went, if he was ready for dinner and thanked him for all his "care". He looked at me strangely as I smiled and was like the perfect wife. When he saw his cellphone on the dresser, he looked even more frazzled. He said "thanks dear, my day was very tiring, lots of meetings and decisions to make. I am quite exhausted, I will take my shower and retire, I am have no appetite" he said without looking straight at me. I kissed him on the forehead and said, "I will run the bath for you and you can just relax", I went into the bathroom and turned on the tap to run his bath. I looked at the woman in the mirror and was not sure what to make of her. My heart was tearing apart at the thought of what was going on in my life, but I know I need to stand up and do something. I was not sure what I am able to do but I have made up my mind to stand up for myself without crying.
Mum and I had a great evening, Chidie was fast asleep without any fuss. After the lights were out, I slipped into bed but I was wide awake, my heart was racing like a mustang, I could not sleep, I had a million things going on in my mind. After about two hours of staring into the ceiling, I heard a ding on my phone, a text message just came in for me. I looked at my phone and it was from the young lady who makes confectionaries on my street, I wonder why she would be sending me a text at 11pm. I looked at the text and there was an attachment, it was an invitation to an event, I decided I would deal with it in the morning. Meanwhile, I watched Theo, stealing glances at me, he assumed I was asleep because of the way I curled up facing him. I avoided his troubled eyes, I knew he wanted to ask me a question but I was not sure I wanted to face whatever he had to say. He turned to me and whispered, "Tolani, Tolani", I responded and he apologized for waking me up. "No worries" I said. "Darling, am so glad you are doing much better, kind of returning to your usual self" he managed to say. I knew he was expecting me to say something but I just muttered "hmmm". The whole room was quiet again. "Good night honey" he said and I responded "happy night rest Theo". He faced the opposite direction, my eyes were shut as if I was sleeping about 15minutes after I heard him snoring away. I myself yielded to the weight of my eyes and fell asleep.
I woke up in the morning and I freshened up and made my way downstairs, Mum had made breakfast and she commented on how lovely I looked. She then mentioned that she had to go back home as she did not plan to stay this long. My countenance dropped immediately but I summoned up courage not to cry. Theo came downstairs and joined us at the table, I informed him my mother was going back home and he said "Mummy, why so soon, you are a life saver!" My Mum smiled and said, "thank you Theo dear but I have to go home and change my clothes and also put a few things in order. I did not plan to spend more than a night or two". Theo opened his brief case and gave Mummy some crisp notes, I am not quite sure but it was a decent amount of money. Mummy prayed for him and both of us. The driver later went to drop her at home. I thought for a moment what I was going to do with my life, I answered myself it is my life and I should be in charge, God helping me. I sat down to check out the message from my neighbour, it was an invitation to a woman's program in her church. I wanted to delete the message and my heart skipped a beat. I was not sure why but I made up my mind I was going to attend that meeting. I then realized that I have not been to church in a while. My phone rang and it was Cynthia calling, the confectionary lady down the street. I hesitated to pick the phone, then I picked it and we exchanged pleasantries. "Sis Tolani, I hope you got my text, it was a reminder to the earlier one" she said. "Oh, yes I got it but I do not remember getting the first one, but I am trying to adjust my schedule to accommodate it" I said. "It will be such a delight to see you around, the Woman who will be ministering at the program is such a blessing, you are bound to be challenged, encouraged and motivated to do well with yourself" she ended with a tone of assurance. "Ok, I will see you on Saturday, thanks for inviting me" I said as I hung up the phone.
Saturday morning arrived without any challenges around the house, I was thinking of making a volte face about the whole idea. I asked myself why I needed to go attend another church when I had my own church and I made all the possible excuses in the world in my head about why I did not need to worry myself about going. However, half an hour to the start time, I just gathered myself together, dressed up and gave my house help instruction about Chidie and his bedtime. I had mentioned to Theo that I was going for a program that day and he said neither good nor bad to me about it. As I stepped into the auditorium of the church, there was high praise, and all the women where looking fresh and happy. It was indeed good company. As I sat quietly in a corner, I saw Cynthia approaching me with a big smile and she hugged me tightly. "What a pleasure to have you here Sister Tolani" "the pleasure is all mine, thank you for inviting me" I responded. We sat down together and for a moment, it was as if I stepped out of a very dark room into a well illuminated and radiant place. We prayed and then listened to the word. The invited guest was unapologetic in delivering the word of God. She asked a few questions and I if I had never known the Lord I would have said someone had mentioned a thing or two about me to her.
Cynthia, the lady who invited me for the program did not know anything was going on in my home, as a matter of fact, no one knows what I have been going through. The message was on for one whole hour yet, we were not bored. The woman mentioned some key things; when you allow the deceit of riches to fool you into believing you do not desperately need God, you will begin to experience a void that only God can fill. When you get too comfortable to pray you will become too encumbered with problems and finally she said "if you resort to crying in the face of problems you will become a weakling. Every woman created by God has been endowed with God's capacity and ability to bear so much only when such a woman relies on God". By the end of the service, we were asked to rededicate our lives to Christ, I did not need anyone to tell me twice that I was far from home...I was determined to return to the source of my strength and to the Bishop of my soul. After that night we were intimated about the details of their women's group, I knew without a doubt I needed to be a part of that group so that the life radiating in there can radiate in the darkness surrounding me to drive it away.
I got home a bit late, Theo got home ahead of me and he could not help but ask "what did they give you at the program, you just seem to light up the whole room with your radiance". Honey, it was such a powerful meeting, I have not had that feeling in almost two years! I excitedly responded. "I am so happy for you" he answered curtly. I went on to share some of the things the Pastor shared but it was as if I was getting on Theo's nerves. Well, this joy that I have found, l intend to keep it, I said to no one in particular. "Give me a break Tolani, does it mean you have lost your joy?" Theo said with some irritation in his voice. "I got a mail today and I was going to share the details with you, remember the Canadian Permanent Visa we processed some years ago, I think we have been accepted and we are to do some medical test before we can get the visa, well the details are in the envelope on the dining table" he said as he walked away. I did not know what to say, I held the document in my hands and read through so quickly. I went to check on Chidie, he turned around as if he could sense that I was watching him. I held him and kissed him and tried to do some baby talk with him. In no time he was fast asleep in my hand. I held him and sang for him. I did not want him to wake up too soon, so I held him to my chest, with the excitement in my heart about the meeting and the message about the Permanent Visa, I was not sure how to put everything in the right perspective. I laid on Chidie's bed and slept off while trying to pet him quietly. I woke up at about two in the morning. I tiptoed into my bed to avoid waking Theo but I noticed the door to the bathroom was open and the light was reflecting into the room. I heard him giggling,I checked the time again and I knew he was on his phone with someone. Then I heard "do not worry, your dreams will soon be realized, have I ever promised and not fulfill? I was stuck to the spot and unable to move, then I heard him coming out of the bathroom, he was shocked to see me standing in the middle of the room.
To be continued.
I welcome your thoughts and comments on this story. Blessings
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