I
woke up to the sound of the cleaners vacuuming the unit and I was quite
irritated to say the least. Then I remembered I was not at home. I felt
a bit better, although my head was still aching slightly but for the
most part I felt much better, as I attempted to get up to the bathroom,
the monitor alarm went off. My nurse walked in and asked what was going
on, I told her I wanted to go to the bathroom, she disconnected the
wires and assisted me. I felt like an invalid, as I came out of the
bathroom, tears were falling freely and the nurse could not understand
why I was crying. I told her I was just overwhelmed and that kind of
covered a whole lot of things without any need for explanation.
Theo came up to me, embraced me and kissed my
forehead, "let's go home baby" he said. I helplessly followed him as he
picked up
Chidie in one hand and pushed the stroller in the other hand. I
quietly walked behind him. I felt as if I was just going with the
motion, there was no doubt about the fact that I felt trapped but it did
not matter how much I attempt to scream, no one seems to hear my voice.
When we got home, he asked if I needed anything and I told him I was
fine. He rushed to use the washroom and then dashed out, he told Mum he
had another meeting but needed to be sure we were all fine. Mum sat in
the chair beside me, she kept rubbing my head. I drifted up to sleep. I
had a dream and in the dream I was struggling with a woman over a
bottle of water, she said, "if you do not release this bottle, I will
smash it, neither of us will own it". No, this is mine, I screamed and
she was about to drop the bottle and I woke up. I was sweating
profusely, I could not help myself, my whole body was vibrating. I
relayed the dream to my Mum and she said, your mind is troubled my
child, you need to take it easy. Nightmares come when you are troubled
on the outside. Ok, Mum. I got up to go into the bathroom, and there on
the side of the bathtub laid Theo's cell phone.
My mum arrived with my son, she brought me toiletries and
a few items to snack on. I had to wear the hospital gown so there was
no need for home clothes. I put on a striped house coat Mum brought for
me. The doctor came in told me I was being discharged in the morning, he
told me to take things easy and handed me a prescription and follow up
with my family doctor. I expressed my appreciation and asked Mum about
Theo, Mum had a surprised look on her face and said "Hasn't he been here
this morning?". No, Mum, I have not seen him around here this morning
except he came when I was sleeping. I knew something was not right the
way Mum raised her brow and responded with a question. "Well, he left
rather early and said he wanted to spend sometime with you before
heading to the hospital". I guess he was not allowed in early due to
hospital policy. I will call him Mummy.
Mum, myself and my son went down to the eatery to
catch a bite, I was hoping we could while away time and wait for Theo.
We sat down at the table and ordered breakfast, I really did not feel
like eating anything this morning I said,not to anyone in particular.
"You have to get your energy back darling" Mum cooed. I just do not feel
up to anything lately, as a matter of fact, I almost do not feel up to
living... "God forbid! Ha! what kind of statement is that? Why are you
talking like that with all that God has done for you? Do not be an
ingrate" mother said with a look that could make the most pius being
feel guilty. I am sorry Mother, I said looking out of the window. It did
not matter what else my Mum said, I realize that she had no clue where I
am and what I am going through. Seriously, it does not make any sense
to continue this conversation with her. "You see my darling, God has
blessed you with every good thing anyone could ask for, a home, lovely son
and a husband who adores you"...I hardly allowed her to finish as I said
to her "hmmmmm, Mummy, I never knew you liked cappuccino, I attempted
to change the subject. "As I was saying, you have to count your
blessings, where are all your friends you went to University with?" you
ladies need to get together once in a while to have a great time outside
of your regular or typical day, it has a way of refreshing the soul".
You are very right Mum, I said totally uninterested in what she was
saying.The last thing I need right now is a bunch of frenemies trying to pry into my business.
It was my fifth time of attempting to get through to
Theo without any success. I sent him a text, neither was there any
response. I decided to go on Facebook, he is my friend on Facebook, so I
can see if he is logged in. Well, I saw his latest post and I knew he
had just been online 3 minutes or so. I sent him an inbox and he
immediately logged out of his account. I called again and he immediately
picked up his phone. I told him I had been attempting to reach him and
he said, he had just came out of a meeting. That sounded quite strange
given that he was on Facebook not quite 10 minutes ago. I told him I had
been discharged, "so soon" he responded. That took me aback and I
wondered if he wanted me admitted. "This doctors are not quite thorough,
I was hoping they would run series of tests and we will then go from
there". I did not know what to make of his last utterance but it sure
told me there was more to it than meets the eye. I really did not want
any drama, so I told him I was waiting for him to pick me up at the
east entrance of the hospital.
Chidie,my son was getting uncomfortable because he did not
get to run around in the eatery, he was strapped in his stroller and he
was not having fun at all. I told Mum I wanted to step out for a better
reception as my phone was cutting out. We had waited for an hour after
my conversation with Theo but he did not seem to be forth coming. I
called him again, this time someone picked up the call, "hello", it was a
lady's voice. Kellie, Theo's personal assistant does not pick his
personal calls, she knows my number and would always let him know. Well,
I cut the line and tried again, yes, you guessed right, my call went
right into voice mail. I felt light headed immediately and told myself I
needed to calm down, I said to myself, "you are making a mountain out
of a mole". I started asking myself series of questions and I said to
myself, "what exactly are you suggesting about your husband?". I tried
to look as if nothing was wrong but my head was beginning to pound. I
sat on the grass and tried not to cry. Then out of no where, Mum called
and said, "Theo is on my line darling". I tried to gather myself together, I
picked up the phone and if I thought I had a bad day so far, nothing
could prepare me for Theo's reaction. "Hey dear, I have been calling
your phone endlessly just to be sure of where you are. I ended up in the
North entrance and wanted to clarify but you switched off your phone, I
should be with you in 5minutes". I looked up at my Mum, I handed over
her phone to her. She looked confused wondering why I was crying. "Did
Theo say anything wrong to you? Are you alright?" she kept querying me
endlessly. I am tired Mummy, I really feel like sleeping. "Here he
comes, no wonder Chidie is trying to jump out of his stroller" she
finished with a smile.
Psalms 22:2 "O my God, I cry in the daytime, you do not hear; and in the night season, and am not silent".
I finished
using the bathroom and took the phone with me to the bedroom. Out of
curiosity, I scrolled through his text messages...I should not have done
that for my own sanity. What I saw confirmed my worst fears and more.
Theo had a lunch date at the time I called him to pick me up from the
hospital, the lady was fuming and sent him a nasty message about Theo
preferring his invalid wife over her. Even if I was physically hit by a
boxer, I doubt if I would have felt any weaker than I currently feel. I
dropped the phone on the dresser and told my Mum I was not feeling well
and needed to sleep. I took double dose of my sleeping pill, covered my
self under my comforter (duvet) and sincerely wished I would not wake
up again...
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